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[chenqing_player]

[Wei Wuxian has dbated about sending a message ever since waking up from the dream he just had. He knows it is a memory. He can tel the difference between those and normal one by now. But this time..he wakes up feeling more frightened then he has in a long time.]

Has anyone else had a memory that showed themselves dying? Because I'm pretty sure I just did.

I've seen death in my memories before. A lot of of it actually. But never..my own.

I was just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with that kind of a memory.

[He is greatly unnerved by it. Which is why he isn't showing his face or using video like he normally would.]

Comments

[temptationaccomplished]

[Fell realizes the this may not be a problem he has to face, given what he apparently IS. It feels a little unfair to be spared that, when so many suffer through death. Maybe he shouldn't even comment, since he can offer no reassurances or support, but the young man asked.]

I'm sorry. I can't say that I have.

[chenqing_player]

I wouldn't wish it on anyone..so I am glad you haven't.

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[serpentinthegarden]

You actually saw your own death? And you remember it?

[ Anthony paused to frown over his cell phone. He couldn't remember anything like that. The worst for him was the Fall and what happened afterwards... Hell wasn't a very nice sort of place. ]

What was it like?

[chenqing_player]

It wasn't..pleasant.

Apparently I chose to kill myself by throwing myself off a cliff. I could feel myself falling and then it was just..nothingness.

[serpentinthegarden]

At least you don't remember hitting the ground. The landings are the roughest part...

You know why it ended up that way?

[chenqing_player]

Based on what I've seen in other memories, I think that was the night I was using a lot of the spirits to hurt people..and the night my sister was killed.

[So seems like he had a lot of regrets. And based on the feelings he felt at the time he clearly had a lot of darkness inside of him.]

[serpentinthegarden]

Something like that can mess a person up.

[ The ultimate decision to jump, grime though it was, made sense after all the death and destruction he must have seen. ]

You're not still feeling that way? Should I come down and lock you in your room for a while?

[chenqing_player]

Thanks but I don't think I'll be heading to the roof any time soon. You don't have to worry too much about me.

There was..like a darkness inside me. I could feel it like it was taking control of me. I don't have that here and I think its because I don't have those powers.

[bearshermark]

For while, I thought I'd died in one of mine, but I found out later that my injuries were mended.

I'm sorry your memories have been so terrible.

[chenqing_player]

I think death might be all I really knew in my past life. It doesn't seem like it was a very peaceful time.

I'm pretty sure this wasn't something I was going to get mended from. Unless you know a lot of survivors who throw themselves off cliffs.

[bearshermark]

Yeah, I've done that twice in my past life. Only once on purpose. I was lucky to have some divine blessing that probably saved me before I died, though. That's the only way I could have survived.

Maybe you could have, too? Only your future memories can tell.

[chenqing_player]

It would be nice if you were right...or maybe it wouldn't be. Pretty sure I wanted to die so that I could stop hurting people. I don't think divine blessings come to those that are evil.

[Which is kind of the feeling he has been getting based on his memories..that he is the big bad that everyone hates.]

[bearshermark]

If you wanted to stop hurting people, I wonder if you really were evil after all?

[chenqing_player]

I could feel a darkness..like it wanted to consume me from the inside. I think I was trying to not give into the evil inside of me.

[consortofalderaan]

I suppose if these are memories of another life, we will all experience a memory of something like that, won't we?

[chenqing_player]

I guess I was hoping that part of our memories would be omitted as a kind of courtesy.

[consortofalderaan]

Unfortunately, I don't htink courtesy is taken into account with our experiences.

[chenqing_player]

So it seems. I guess this means I was lucky? Because I got to get it out of the way early? Except I don't feel lucky because I could feel everything and it was unlike anything I've felt in these memories before.

[consortofalderaan]

That is finding one silver lining.

But feeling everything must have been difficult.

[chenqing_player]

It wasn't great. It was like some sort of darkness was taking me over and death was the only way to avoid it. Not sure why death was better then darkness but..well apparently the me of before thought so.

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[inquiryguqin]

[This had him worried. Is he starting to remember?]

Sound like you had a nightmare. There's a lot of death in mine. But I myself haven't.

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[chenqing_player]

[Wei Wuxian is mildly freaking out on his side of the phone. This guy...he's pretty sure he saw this guy just before his death. What if this is the one who killed him? Maybe he didn't toss himself off the side..maybe he was thrown. He tries to keep his hands steady as he answers back.]

I seem to always be a trend setter. I would have preferred to not be the first with this kind of thing.

[inquiryguqin]

[He remembered this guy from last month support meeting and he doesn't seem comfortable with his dreams. Still, he wants to lend his support]

I think some Different have dreamed of meeting an untimely end. Try to relax and look at your life now. See? You're okay. It's going to be fine.

[chenqing_player]

Nothing about these dreams is alright. Our lives are getting completely uprooted by memories, strange powers and everything else being a different seems to come with. My life is anything but alright.

[inquiryguqin]

I suppose that means having two lives at once, and sometimes the past is the key as to why we're reborn.

You're still you. You're not a killer. I think as a Different, we just need to retool and redefine our life purpose.