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Video - Diving into online dating apps

[ Strange dreams from the night before plagued his mind but he settled down to try and carry on with his chosen mission in spite of them. ]

Are you a man or a woman interested in finding a man or a woman?

[ Anthony read the question carefully before typing in an answer and speaking it aloud although he was sitting alone. ]

Sure.

[ He wasn't entirely certain what Alec's preferences were so Anthony hedged his bets and picked both. All the better to give his antisocial cousin as many choices as possible. The profile pages were filled out with Alec's information, the usual age, sex and location goodies along with the likes and dislikes... which were heavier on the dislikes than the likes. And it was rounded out with a handsomely smiling selfie of Anthony himself. They did practically look like twins! So what if the smile was a lie and unlikely to actually be seen on Alec's face. The potential new couple could work that out when they finally met.

Anthony sat in the gloom of his bedroom typing up as many online dating profiles on his laptop as there were online dating websites. Not for him of course, he had some one. It was Alec's own fault for making it sound like he was out there looking for some one to love and going about it in entirely the wrong ways. He just needed a little help, a friendly nudge to get the ball rolling and then the rest was entirely up to him only some of these questions were so outlandish and wild that they needed to be shared with the 'Different' crowd! ]

How do you prefer to be kissed, slow and tender or hard and passionately?

[ He frowned and gestured at his cell phone. ]

How would you even answer anything like that?? We're meeting for the first time not arranging a sleepover! Its a bit much for a profile question isn't it? Only thing worse would be asking how much you are making or... diving right into the do you want kids question.

[ His room was dark with the shades pulled tightly closed and yet he still wore his sunglasses as if he needed them to shield him from the glow of the computer. After a while he grumbled and rubbed at his eyes, while still keeping them very carefully shielded from the camera. ]

Sod it. I'll think of something to write in.

[ Anthony paused and frowned again at the screen.]

And now someone's asking if I'll watch their cat this weekend??

[ Each words was typed angrily. ]

Hire. A. Sitter.
At least a few of these don't look like lost causes. What do you lot think, is the online dating market always this bad? Maybe there is a better site out there?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In the beginning I was actually a snake. There was nothing strange about a snake having snake eyes.

Other than the shades, I don't remember what I must have done out there in the human world. It would take a lot I think to influence every single person I meet into thinking everything was normal... You really think I had that much power? I'm not sure I...--

[ Wait. ]

Cute?

[ Parish the silly smitten grin that threatened to blossom across his lips! Cute!

I mean it was a terrible, horrible, no good, FAR too sweet word but when Aziraphale said it the disgusting word turned into poetry.

He thinks my eyes are cute! ]

Nah, they don't hurt. They do make it easier to see in the dark. I'll be able to cheat like hell if we ever end up playing midnight hide 'n seek.

[He's even cuter still now that he's smiling like that, like he's madly in love and knows he's madly loved in return. Aziraphale wants to pull him into a kiss and never let him think he's anything less than cute ever again.]

I take it back. Perhaps there's some merit to fumbling in the dark after all.

But yes, maybe not that much power. You could always try contacts? Or a glamour, I think is the technical term for magicking your appearance?

[ Anthony snapped his fingers and pointed at the screen as Fell was a genius... and was some what surprised to find a rose appeared in the air and dropped to the ground at his feet. Memo to him to not snap his fingers unless he meant it. ]

You are onto something with that. I used to be able to transform! I was that snake, then a demon with black wings, that nanny! It all makes sense!

I might have to rely on shades and creative lies for a while. I'm pretty sure I don't have the magic for that.

[ But once he did, oh! Think of all the things he could get into! ]

All in good time. Can't let you get too powerful. Throws off the balance of things.

...Did you just make a rose?

[ He slid away from the screen, side eyeing the flower by his feet. ]

What? No... that's just a...

[ He picked up the rose, twirling it in front of the phone as if roses appearing like that were the most natural thing in the world. ]

Yeah, guess... a rose. kind of red and covered in thrones. It's been a strange day what with the nightmare, the magic and the eye thing.

Want it?

Yes, of course. It's absolutely lovely, reminds me a bit of you. Shall I come by, pick it up?

Might as well. You can see my cute eyes in person.

Sounds delightful. I look forward to it. When would be best for you? I could pick up some doughnuts on my way over, distract you from your matchmaking endeavors?

It was a bad idea, wasn't it...

[ He gave his laptop a glance, resolving to have those profiles deleted before Fell arrived. ]

Whenever you can flutter over here. I'm not going anywhere for a long while. Staying home in bed would be more fun with a few doughnuts and some one to curl around.

You meant well. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, unfortunately.

Is that what we're calling the angelic equivalent? Flutter? I suppose I shall, then, soon as I have packed a change of clothes.

No doughnuts in bed, though. We'll get crumbs!

I was trying flutter out. Not sure if I like it or not. It's a work in progress.

Ah, yeah... crumbs, well just a few! The bed can handle crumbs. Besides its only breaking the rules a little bit!

For now, I can flutter over and if you have something else you'd like me to do when I get there, we can discuss.

...And ants. We could get ants, and you're the only ant allowed in the bed, "Anty."

But...alright. I can let you win this one.

Ants on the top floor of a penthouse? They would never be able to find us.

I'll still take the win though.

Oh good. At least you won't be too far behind when I win later.

You're getting awfully cocky!

[ Smirk. ]

We can put that to good use later... if you're tempted.

When am I ever not tempted by you?

I'd guess about as often as the times I'm not tempted by you.

Which is never. I'm saying I'm tempted by you all the time. All this sounded better in my head really...

[It sounds good enough to Fell, because he's smiling with rosy cheeks]

Oh. I don't tell you enough, but you are incredibly sweet.

...And a horrible distraction! I am trying to get my things together so that I can spend the night snogging you and doing unmentionable things, and you're here tempting me. Fiend.

[ And wasn't he ever the fine masterpiece when he was smiling as brightly as that. There was nothing to do on such occasions but slide closer and admire Aziraphale's every feature.]

Yeah but it did prompt you to use the word snogging in a sentence. I was expecting something more refined, 'arranging a rendezvous' or 'going courting'. Instead I have you thinking about unmentionables!

Dear boy, the only thing refined in our plans for the evening is the sugar.

I can class it up. Add a few candles... What sort of wine goes best with doughnuts?

Suppose that depends on the type of doughnut. Any requests? Jelly-filled? Maple bar? Old-fashioned? What can I tempt you to, Anthony?

[ It was too wicked to smile lovingly as his dear sweet angel was setting himself up but really! The bow tie, the jacket, the waistcoat, everything he wore was so well cared for but not exactly in step with today's fashions. Decidedly old-fashioned! ]

I do have a soft spot for old-fashioned.

[ And absolutely perfect that way. ]

[He looks up with an almost bashful smile, caught off guard at the smoothness and sweetness of the sentiment, though this is hardly the first time Anthony's been so clever. He forgets for a moment that he's supposed to be supplying ideas for wine.]

Oh.

Right, then, ah... Old fashioned aren't so very sweet. I'm thinking a slightly drier red might be in order. Maybe a nice Zinfandel--one with a little smokiness and spice.

[ The claim was made that old-fashioned wasn't so sweet but when flustered there was nothing sweeter! ]

I have just the thing. All I have to do is drop down to the kitchen to collect it then... wait around until I have some one to share it with.

[ He pointed at the rumpled bit of cloth that was only just visible onscreen. ]

Are you going to pack that shirt or just hold onto it?

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