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[somewhat accidental, an upshot as he's holding the device loose in his hand. He is staring at the "toll booth" in front of the portal. Suitcase beside him as if he'd only just arrived. Looking a little healthier saved for the usual hollow eyed look of someone who believes sleep is a four letter word.]

Fuck me.

Fuck me. Fuck me.

[he hasn't gone through it yet, but then he can't seem to move from the spot. He sucks in a shaky breath and runs a hand through his hair]

Bloody hell.

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[he shook his head, didn't move toward it or away either] I'm terrified. I don't want to turn my back on it.

[but he would have to]

Alec, there's nothing to be terrified of. There are worse places to go...

[ A beat. ]

Like New Jersey.

I could pop over, go with you? I wouldn't mind stopping for dinner or looking for something to hang on the wall. They had some interesting paintings.

Don't bother. [it won't go well and he won't be lured in. Alec is still trying to process the implications of it all. Or rather the implications are threatening to overwhelm him-- It's so much. It's so big.

It means--

Things.

But at least for Anthony it wasn't all bad. It might even be better then-- well it was definitely better than the life he had been going toward]

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

[ He pouted and tilted his head, already worried about it but not wanting to push anything. ]

Meet you for a drink then? You can tell me all about your trip and I can tell you as much or as little about what's been going on here as you like.

[a drink...didn't sound like a good idea. He was also not looking forward to going back to his flat. Such as it was. There didn't seem to be anywhere worth going now that he was back. He shook his head slowly. Tugged his collar because it was bloody hot]

Can I borrow your sofa.

[for a nap maybe or just to sit somewhere he almost felt like he belonged]

[ It wasn't a drink but it was something and he set upon it with too much delight. As it turned out, and he was as shocked as any to realize it, he had actually missed Alec when he was away. ]

Sofa's all yours!

Oh, and if you get there before I do just tell the doorman you locked yourself out. He's nearsighted and will never be able to tell the difference.

[he'll do that.

And it's a testament to his exhaustion that when he arrives first, he passes out almost immediately on the sofa, suitcase lying beside him on the floor. Try not to trip over it]

[ Anthony would come swaggering in not too long afterward with a bagful of takeaway Chinese food, cause he had just gotten off work and didn't he feel like a sushi! Since Alec was sleeping he was given a too fond smile and since there was no one around to see it... tucked in with a cozy blanket. ]

[he curls under the fluffy blanket unconsciously.

It was a few hours later when he woke up, groggy and blinking, trying to get his bearings. But then he did he grunted and pulled the blanket under his chin]

Tell me it was a dream.

[ In the small flat Anthony's bed sat directly behind the sofa. He was lounged upon in with his head near the foot board listening to some too loud music through his earphones. He plucked one side free, filling the room with some rocking song about pale blue eyes... ]

Wha?

[ The music app was paused. ]

What's that?

[he groaned]

Not Velvet Underground. [if he had a pillow he'd bury his face under it] You know experimental is only an excuse to be terrible.

It's better than the stuff you listen to. No soul at all.

[ It was boring~! ]

What was that about a dream? You have another memory or something?

... I don't want to talk about it.

[it hadn't been what he was talking about but now that it's spoken it's like a stain in the air, a bad smell he can't forget even if he wanted to. The smell of brine and sand and sweat from standing in a coat on a hot day]

They're real aren't they. Everything.

[ Anthony slithered closer until he could rest his chin on the back of the sofa right over Alec's left shoulder. ]

Ye--yeah. It's all real. The portals, the memories, the magic... all of it.

[ Concerned frown. ]

Is it that bad?

[he shifted his gaze so he could look up at him]

You tell me.

It ought to be. Being a demon should feel like the worse thing in the universe. That is what they're always saying.

But it's not true. It's not so bad when you get used to it.

[He should have known, really. Anthony always managed to land on his feet. Maybe it was because he could come to terms with everything so bloody well. As usual Alec was worried for nothing. It was fitting, though he thought. For just a moment he indulged in the thought of some angel waiting for him but then quickly got rid of it. There would be no one. Apparently just dead children. Whatever that meant. If he was a demon too it was a worse one than Anthony was. But he doubted that. He was just the same as he always was but with more corpses this time]

Glad you're content with it then. [he patted Anthony's cheek then closed his eyes]

I'm still not going through the fucking portal.

You don't really have to. It's not compulsory or anything... I just think it's fun. You get to go to a new world and there's no need for a passport or anything.

Or at least there wasn't until the Bureau got involved. Not sure what their deal is.

[ The cheek pat was allowed without even a squeak of protest. A tell over how much Alec had been missed. ]

The only thing you really have to do is find some way to come to terms with all this. Otherwise... you might just crack up.

Bureau. [he snorted and curled further, tugging the blanket up to his ear] Probably make it worse that's what it'll do. [if they could see what you were doing they could stop it. Control it. influence it]

Oh aye. Come to terms. I'll just get over myself then, shall I? So much to look forward to. Maybe I'll find out more things I've done that I can't even remember. And since you're a demon, well, bit difficult to be cousins, isn't it? But that's fine. I'm sure it's all going to work out.

[ There were some thoughts dark enough to make him feel sulky. He felt tempted to slid off the bed and hide under the covers too. ]

Demons could have cousins... We don't know that they don't.

[ It meant mum wasn't his mum, no brother or sister, he was just some useless cast off and fuck that! ]

Who cares. We remember being cousins so we are and that's all there is to it. If there are any rules against it we will just break them. There are perks to being a demon, the rules definitely don't apply!

[he sighed and got up, holding the blanket around him. Then flopped on the bed, taking up as much of at is as he could, a knee in Anthony's hip to get him to budge over like he used to do when they were younger]

Listen-- really-- this is ridiculous. Even if both are real... [and it's still hard to swallow] This is the most real. Alright?

OOof! There's nothing more real than your knee in my side!

[ But though he grumbled the space was given until they were all bundled together just like a pair of kids 'camping' under a blanket during a sleep over. ]

Don't worry, I'm not going to throw you over for an old memory.

[he huffed and flopped an arm over Anthony to be more comfortable. They were definitely too old for this, but at the moment he didn't care]

You don't owe me anything, Anty. Don't let me hold you back. Even if you think I should. [much as he was touched by the gesture]

[ It was a blast from the past but how many more opportunities would they have to cuddle like kids? And as they were alone there was no harm in snuggling into his cousin's arm. ]

I don't know that I owe anyone anything. I just don't want to leave you behind... or any of the family. I've been kicked out once I don't want it to happen again.

Hm. [a smirk and he ruffled that hair a little. Under the blankets no one can see]

Pretty sentimental for a demon.

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