tramitem_net | (no subject)

Elsa was continuing to follow Bail around, though she was now perched on the arm of the couch beside him in order to obsessively sniff at his arm.

"It probably is. Apparently at some point I got whipped."

"Is that what you remember? From those memories?" Memories of laser swords and aliens. And being whipped?

"No. That's what the evidence suggests I'm going to remember, eventually."

He took a drink of his smoothie, and watched as Elsa crept up the back of the couch to get into a position to allow her to stretch out and sniff Bail's eye.

"That's..." Bail didn't know what to say, to be quite honest. He had no framework for dealing with magically appearing scars. It made him wish the Bureau did more for them.

"I'm sorry," he finally decided on.

And with the cat trying to get into his face, he decided to address it. "Your cat is very curious."

Bail didn't need to be sorry. It wasn't his fault, and no one knows what to do with this. "It's okay. I'm pretty rattled, but it could be so much worse."

Then he cracked a crooked grin. "She's a snot and I suspect if you stay still you're going to be wearing her like a stole in the next few minutes." Elsa was, truly, continuing to sniff around Bail in a really intrusive way, but slowly putting a paw on him.

Bail held up a hand to divert the cat's attention for now.

"In your opinion... what would be worse?"

Elsa may or may not have been offended but she did divert her attention and leap over Bail to land on Ben.

"Waking up with active injuries. Waking up with powers. Waking up with some more extreme modification than scars. ...In some regards possibly even memories could arguably be worse."

Except he really did feel more violated by this, even if he didn't understand and couldn't rationalize exactly why.

Bail wasn't at all offended that Ben's cat had given up on him. That was the nature of cats.

He nodded. "I can see how all of that would be worse," he said. "... None of us asked for these experiences."

"No, and I think that in a lot of ways the memories may actually be the worst of it. How are you doing by the way? No more intrusive memories?" He's not awkward or uncomfortable, he's just moving on.

He has what he needs here. He has someone here, that he likes and is willing to stick around with him.

Besides the cat who is now settled on Ben's lap and all, but it just isn't the same.

"Memories dictate so much about ourselves," Bail agreed.

Just getting Ben talking was good enough for Bail.

"Honestly, I am doing fine. I still only have the one memory- I know so many details about that memory now, there are so many aliens, the shape of the room I was in. Room? More like an auditorium. Are all memories like that? They just repeat over and over until you know all the details?"

He gently moved the cat off his lap to the sofa beside him and tucked his legs under himself on the sofa, turned slightly toward Bail and rest his fingers on Bail's upper arm. It's light, but it is definitely physical contact. "When I got the initial memory it was really brief and it repeated over and over and over like that. I heard similar accounts from a couple of other people. With the next set there was a lot more... content, and it hasn't been nearly as obnoxiously repetitive. The memories still show up in my dreams a lot, but not like some endlessly playing loop."

Ben's hand on Bail's arm was not lost on him. In fact, he was keenly aware of it in a way that made him selfishly wish circumstances where different. That he was in Ben's apartment for a different reason.

He used the excuse of finally opening his water bottle as way to cover.

"That's good to know I have that to look forward to." Did his future also hold lurking scars ready to pop up without context.

"I haven't asked about your cat yet. What's its name?"

He wasn't exactly thinking sex, or anything even sexual, but he was definitely seeking out contact as a source of grounding himself and of both trying to reassure and be reassured.

"None of it's easy, but none of it's impossible, either. And it does get easier to sleep."

The lack of response made him a little uncertain about it, but he wasn't being pulled away from and if he pulled away immediately it would be strange, so he let it stay and tried not to overthink that-

or anything else about scars and memories and the context and the future.

"Her name's Elsa. I should probably offer you a lint roller now. Your pants are going to be terrible."

Bail did finally look at Ben's hand and... realized he might be coming off as cold. Which he didn't want to do. He just didn't want to come off as taking advantage of Ben.

And he didn't want Ben to move to get a lint roller, because it was unnecessary.

He placed a hand over Ben's for so many reasons.

"You don't have to do that. I have a lint roller in my car. At my office. Every room of my house almost... she's a lovely cat."

The second he was touched he relaxed. His expression lightened, his eyebrows weren't just on the edge of being pulled down, the set of his jaw loosened up, his shoulders dropped, his spine curved and became less upright. Just pure, immediate response to having the touch returned and, in truth, just being touched.

He curled his fingers a bit into Bail's arm and, while not quite leaning into him the overall level of being more relaxed decreased distance some. Not with intent but just for feeling... overall better.

He even laughed, albeit very softly. "That's right - golden retriever. I wonder what Elsa would make of him."

Bail noticed how Ben relaxed in every way and made the decision to just give in more with the touch if it had that much of an affect on him.

He grabbed Ben's hand, to move it, to hold it with his.

"Franklin?" Bail said. "Oh, he's a big baby. She would walk all over him."

He was perplexed a little when Bail moved his hand but when he realized what was happening, he simply folded his fingers around Bail's, pivoted a little and sprawled down against his side with a sigh of relief.

"She walks all over everyone." Literally - she was currently padding softly up along Ben to get to the back of the sofa. "She's a benevolent dictator, most of the time. I don't think she's seen a dog since she left her breeder, though."

It was just natural from there to move his arm to wrap around Ben's shoulders and then lean back against the couch for support- it was more comfortable that way.

Bail tried not to think too hard about all that contact. Just all at once.

"Franklin is just happy to have attention. And that he gets to go to the park. How old is Elsa?"

Ben took the arm around his shoulders as a pretty clear signal that Bail was okay with the contact, relaxed even more somehow and let his eyes close.

"I feel like your dog and I might understand each other," he said dryly. What? He liked attention, too. Clearly. "Elsa is." He stopped to remember and do that minor bit of subtraction for a half second. "Ten months old."

And then, because why let things stay entirely comfortable : "Are you going to be bothered by the scars?"

Edited 2020-06-06 06:22 (UTC)

That, looking back, had escalated quickly. And Bail didn't mind and he thought maybe he should. He was here to be supportive, for a friend. (A friend that maybe could be more than a friend.)

But that question threw him.

"No," he said promptly, but it was followed by, "why would I be bothered by the scars?"

"Well." He didn't quite drawl but he did crack an eye open to look at Bail. "We did decide that we are dating - or at least have had a date. Which usually leads to some naked time at some point. There are people who really, really don't like scars, and that's okay. But if it's going to be a problem, now's probably the best time to acknowledge it."

Bail was unprepared for that level of frankness - not opposed to it in the slightest - just surprised Ben went... all the way there. And his mind, of course, asked 'were they dating?' after one date?

He finally took a drink from his water bottle. After that, he needed it.

He smiled, realizing he was breathing through a heady feeling of elation he hadn't felt in quite some time.

"You want to get naked with me?"

"...do most people ask people they aren't attracted to the idea of at least eventually getting naked with on dates?"

People who weren't asexual or dating for very different reasons he supposed but it was definitely part of the whole compatibility thing, and he was definitely attracted and-

Okay maybe more frank, less confused.

"I wouldn't have asked you out if I wasn't attracted to you."

Bail smiled, taking another drink- now he was amused. He was trying to relax also- if Ben was directing the conversation, then Bail was more comfortable with where it led.

"Did you ask me on a date, or did I catch you taking me on a date?"

"Always maintain plausible deniability of anyone not dressed from head to toe in rainbows in a gay club." He grinned, just a little tiredly. "You definitely caught me asking you on a date. Wanna do it again sometime?"

The order might be a little off, but hey.