tramitem_net | (no subject)

I don't know.

I went to bed. I woke up. I went to work. My back is scarred.

Edited 2020-06-01 19:42 (UTC)

Shit.

A kid just woke up with a tattoo.

[He doesn't like the idea of ... injuries just showing up from their memories.]

I'll stop by after work.

I've got a show coming up so I'll be at the rink until late. Text me when you're leaving so we can figure out where I am.

[Anakin didn't focus well at work, given what Ben was going through. Plus, there was that exchange with that one Different who clearly didn't want to play nice. By the end of the day, Anakin realized he should have just taken the rest of the day off.

He left campus in a terrible mood, but was texting Ben before he even made it out of his building.

where are you? can meet at the rink if you want.]

Still at Aviator - sorry, going to be a long day. Meet you in the locker room? Should be empty by the time you get here.

[ His last class was done and people were clearing out of the rink area, at least. It would run into time that was officially his, which would make that part easier, at least. ]

locker room works. meet you there.

[It didn't take long for the Uber car to show up and then drive him to Aviator's. Anakin found Ben in the locker room.]

Hey [What did he say? 'Sorry the impossible happened.'?]

Do you want to talk?

Edited 2020-06-02 04:43 (UTC)

He was sitting down, skates still on because he really did need to get some practice time in - if he didn't, he would have just met Anakin at his apartment. He looked up and smiled faintly. "You know, I don't know. The answer is probably yes, but I don't know what to say, either. Not looking forward to whatever memory is associated with them. If there is one. Did you say something about someone waking up with a tattoo?"

"Ya-" Anakin said sitting down. "Elliott."

Anakin didn't have an easy smile for Ben. "Get mad, if you want. I know what it's like to wake up one day and part of your body is just-" gone, but he didn't say that. "different."

"This is nowhere near that bad." Nowhere near and he is uncomfortable with the idea of ...even treating them as similar. "I do want you to look at them, though."

"If you want me to look, I can.. But you're right," Anakin said, but it wasn't a concession. "This worse. I know what happened to me and why. I know who to blame for it, who to get mad at. You don't. You just have the results and questions."

And he knew a bit what that was like, too. Because when he'd first woken up after being in a coma, he couldn't remember anything after climbing into the cockpit of the jet. His memory came back in pieces later - but that initial moment of shock, of no memory, of why, ya, he knew that.

"...Thanks."

He wasn't sure if that was sarcastic or sincere, because he appreciated the empathy and compassion, but it also kind of foiled his attempts to make himself feel better about it.

"Maybe I'll get more answers later, though I'm having a damn hard time thinking that I want more memories of especially this. Anyway, yes, look at it and ideally get me a decent photo, please."

He needed to go get his phone. And hug Anakin.

...He wasn't going to hug Anakin, he just went to get his phone.

Anakin accepted the answer, whether it was sarcastic or sincere. He meant it when he said Ben could get mad. Even if it was mad at him.

"Okay," he said. And waited and held out his hand for the phone.

He really, really, isn't mad at Anakin - just flailing.

He unlocks the phone and hands it to Anakin with a soft, "Thank you." Then peels his shirt off and turns his back to Anakin.

Anakin thought he was ready for this - he wasn't the one that woke up with a random bunch of scars he didn't remember getting.

But the distinct lines of what had clearly been lashings from a whip stopped him short, he almost forgot to breathe.

He paused, his mind bringing up memories that he tried to forget about when he was awake, of slaves on a hot, desert planet, at the mercy of cruel masters.

"Ben..."

He turned back around immediately at the tone in Anakin's voice, alarmed. "What? What's wrong? Sit down. Talk to me."

Anakin sat, handed back the phone for a moment and then scrubbed at his eyes just to get the memories shoved back into the corners of his mind.

"Sorry, I'm- I'm fine. Really," he said, realizing he was upsetting Ben more. " I've just... seen scars like that before," he explained, though he knew this wouldn't help. "In my memories... On Tatooine. On slaves."

He was primarily just concerned about Anakin. He took the phone and watched him closely as he sat and rubbed at his eyes.

Then listened, heard what was being said and promptly sat down beside Anakin himself, going a little dizzy at implications. "Oh. That." He paused and tried to find words - and failed. "That's weird," he finished, very lamely.

Anakin watched Ben, waited to see if he would full on panic.

"You don't... have any memories of being a slave, do you?"

He was not going to full on panic. He was distraught by the idea, but the reminder that he didn't have those memories was-

...kind of helpful.

"No, just being a Jedi. I guess there's no telling what came before or after that memory set, though."

A pause.

"I'm sorry."

Anakin knit his eyebrows together. He really wished he had more memories of Ben. There was something between them that was hard to describe, and Anakin didn't like to admit it, but he could probably figure it out if he just had more memories of Ben.

"Why are you sorry? You... haven't done anything."

"I'm sorry because it's brought up some memories for you that I know are... hard." And in places horrible. "I don't like you upset. Nothing is worth that to me."

Anakin bit back the first thing that came to mind, which was 'OMG you strange and likable man!' But Anakin had just enough sense right now to catch his mouth and shut it. Look down and swallow his first thought.

"You have magically appearing scars on your back- you deserve me managing my own emotions for a night.... It's okay- I promise. I just didn't know how you would take hearing... well, that they are probably from a whip."

Anakin managing his own emotions for one night....

Implying that he was managing Anakin's emotions for Anakin? ...That was exactly what he was doing, wasn't it? Or at least trying to do.

That wasn't something he could do and it was insulting and --

Yeah there was a moment of realization there and he abruptly let it go. It wasn't easy, something from the memories fought the idea, but he sort of forced himself to move past the urge to protect and feeling that he would never be able to... be what Anakin needed.

"It's all right. I'm not looking forward to the memories that accompany the scars, but maybe it'll provide some context. I'm not happy - this is invasive in a way I wasn't prepared for, at all - but it... I'll work through it. And I'm glad you're here and could tell me."

This made Anakin wonder what was in store for him- so far that alien Watto hadn't beaten him with a whip. But there was a lot of time missing between what he'd seen by now and when he supposedly ended up in Ben's - Obi-Wan's - care. A lot could go wrong in that time.

But he didn't say that to Ben, he'd think about it later.

He wanted to say something that would make this even marginally better, but there wasn't really a way to make this better.

"If you need someone to talk to about those memories when you finally get them, you can talk to me... Those won't be easy memories to get."

"I know I can." He and Anakin had a complicated friendship, thanks to those memories - but he did know that. "And whether I am able to, or want to, talk about them or not I will let you know when I get them. Or anything new, at all."