[video] just enough of a bastard

[temptationaccomplished]

[Fell looks into the camera (he's obviously holding the phone) and takes a sip from the red in his bulbous wine glass.]

Well, this has been the first and absolutely last day of business for the Crowley Cousin Mover Company.

[He turns the camera around and you get a view of his studio apartment, in all its jewel-toned, eclectic vintage charm. If you've been to his flat, or had enough footage from a past video, you'll see he's acquired a new (to him, it's vintage of course), wooden desk. With the plethora of drawers, it looks exceedingly heavy, but it's been placed expertly into his crowded living space.

The Crowley Cousins in question, Alec and Anthony, are both obviously nursing sore muscles. Alec is laying on Aziraphale's vintage leather sofa. Anthony has an ice pack on his foot.]

Oh, I haven't broken you, have I? It's just a desk. Those strapping young men I hired made it look positively easy.

Comments

[temptationaccomplished]

[Gives a scandalized, shocked, disturbed look. Sports! Stocks?! No THANK YOU.]

[scotch_egg]

Maybe you should take her out. The pair of you. Treat her to a nice date with meaningless patter. [he pulls a pillow over his head and makes a noise at how it jarrs his back. fuck's sake.]

[scotch_egg]

Fine. I'll be gone soon. Twenty minutes. [even if he has to crawl]

[scotch_egg]

Keep it. [he'd rather photosynthesize thank you very much]

[temptationaccomplished]

I'm sure you will.

Yes, it is. [Not really covering the receiver] Alec, your girlfriend says hello and would like to remind you that you're a...well, an asshole. [A cute cheeky smile.] In case you forgot.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ See? His kind of Angel. ]

[phdmotherfucker]

Not his girlfriend.

Friend, who is a girl. Maybe. At best.

[serpentinthegarden]

How did this turn into a date? They are talking moldy old side tables not roses and candlelight.

[temptationaccomplished]

No.

[temptationaccomplished]

You will eat something, Alec Crowley, so help me.

[scotch_egg]

Not a girl friend. Barely even a friend. An acquaintance who I owe money. And you can piss off, Fell. Don't you dare start.

[temptationaccomplished]

[You're both ridiculous]

[serpentinthegarden]

Better agree. He will start pouting if you don't!

[scotch_egg]

No? [he turned to glower at him] The bloody hell do you mean no?

Yes.

[scotch_egg]

Oh no. Anything but that.

[temptationaccomplished]

Me? I didn't start anything. I was just relaying the message.

[phdmotherfucker]

Fuck you, we're friends.

[temptationaccomplished]

You're in no shape to move anywhere. I'd feel just awful if you got hurt further and there was no one around to look after you.

[scotch_egg]

Now you know how it feels, don't you.

[scotch_egg]

Fuck you, we're not.

[temptationaccomplished]

Don't mind him, my dear.

[scotch_egg]

I don't need a bloody nurse. I'm fine.

You could do with feeling more bloody awful. You're spoiled.

[temptationaccomplished]

And whose fault is that.

Anyway, I'm not offering to be your nurse. Only to help you downstairs if you need to go to the hospital.

[serpentinthegarden]

That in no way is anything like you purposely torpedoing a blind date just because you feel you deserve to live alone and suffer.

[phdmotherfucker]

It really is best not to.

Alternate ice and heat every fifteen to twenty minutes, by the way. For his bitch-ass back.