tramitem_net | text; morning

Are we gonna need some kind of incarnation chart? There's you, then there's unknown-number-of-incarnations-back you that you know about now...

Holding up all right? [If at least one of the two of them is, that'll be a victory in her book. Kinda.]

I hope not. Just one past incarnation is enough to try to keep track of.

Do you think it's crazy to think that these memories might be real?

If they're NOT real, my subconscious is holding out on me. I don't care if I don't speak Japanese, I could have made it big if I could write like that! So I'm choosing to believe they're real. If that means our lives are super complicated now, well, that's just kinda how it's gonna be, yeah?

Japanese? My mom's family was from Japan. That sounds pretty cool.

But yeah, I think it's easy to believe in conspiracy theories- anything is possible, if you put enough thought into it. A part of me hopes that they aren't, you know, because it does sound crazy and it seems like my previous incarnation's life wasn't the nicest, but I can't shake the feeling I have when they happen and it just seems so crazy that it might just be real, after all.

Which really might not make any sense at all.

Oh hey, that does sound cool. Then you'll be on the short list to hear LOUDER when I've unraveled it enough to make it sound decent unplugged and missing three instruments, with Clarence. [She just about said something less wholesome, but she's in a good mood today.]

Those two ideas aren't exclusive, though. They can be real, but it's also not you. Not in the same way that YOU'RE you. If that makes any sense. It sounded better in my head, I think.

No yeah, it does. I'll just still experience it, you know? Because it did happen once, before.

Forewarning that I only know a few words of Japanese- mostly the swear words my mom uses sometimes. But I know it's a cool language.

Yeah. It's gonna suck to be in your own shoes for that with a front-row seat. And for what it's worth, I'm here if you need someone to talk to. If they get too bad, I mean.

And hey, it's more Japanese than I knew, going into this. I spent a lot of quality time with Google and a bilingual dictionary. So now I understand more or less what's coming out of my mouth, I just have to make it still sound good.

I appreciate that.

But okay, that sounds pretty cool. I'll look forward to it. You said you're working with Clarence?

Well, "working" meaning that he's listened to me flailing at it. I thought I'd be able to just pick up Sayo's guitar part and the vocals, and have a functional song. Turns out whoever wrote that knew what they were doing - it falls apart with only one instrument track.

So you were in a really good japanese band in your past life?

It's strange - I think I was younger in that memory than I am now, and nobody looked older than me, but yeah, we were pretty good. We had a crowd with penlights, and a stage with properly programmed and timed spotlights, and the whole nine yards.

That's really impressive. Is that something you'd want to do in this life?

Well, I kind of do it already - guitar, remember? That's the only reason I tried in the first place. So, then, either I keep going as I am and I accept that stuff just isn't going to sound right without a LOT of work, I try to form a band but I stay on guitar and vocals... or I try and pick up the bass. But then I'd HAVE to find a band. Bass isn't a frontwoman's instrument.

Well yeah, but you're in college working on a degree too, right? Is becoming a really famous musician your dream though?

It always was. I've been in Nashville trying to get discovered since I was old enough to drive the couple hours each way. I gave up and came here to go to college because it didn't work. Three years, and nothing to show for it but more callouses and enough tips to pay off my truck. I'm no Reba, but... I told myself I was gonna be somebody someday. If I couldn't get there singing and strumming, I'd make the music for someone else. So... here I am.

[There's a break for a moment; she starts to type, then hesitates. Eventually:] It's why my visions of the other me are so frustrating. She's part of a band, and she's on a rhythm instrument, singing backup vocals. And she looks so happy, and her band is so GOOD, and her music is great. She's got a lot of what I've been searching for.

Maybe talent agencies look for something different in Japan?

But if your past self could make it, I'm sure you could again. With more memories, you might get a better glimpse into whatever she did to get there. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

No, I don't think that's it. It's just that Yukina and Sayo were GOOD. Like, could headline HERE. I

[She pauses; she almost has a headache, and she sees something. Feels herself saying something, telling someone something-]

I'm the weakest member of Roselia, so I have to practice hard to keep up with everyone else.

[A beat passes, as she realizes what she wrote as her fingers kept going while she was out.]

fuck.

[Well that's more honest than he expected. Maybe he shouldn't have brought it up]

I'm sure you're plenty enough talented, but there's nothing wrong with continuing to work hard to improve your craft.

I saw something, just now. The other me telling someone else that, because she asked me why I was still practicing. I must have just said it to you too without thinking about it. But... does that mean we're both bad? Am I just fated to suck? Am I never gonna be satisfied?

Or am I just looking at it wrong? Sayo IS better than me - both of me - but can I push past her? I can't tell what I'm trying to tell myself anymore.

[Memories really can happen at any time, he guesses.]

Is it important to you to surpass her? It doesn't mean you're terrible just because someone is better than you at something.

It's a little important, but... Elliott, music has been my dream since I was little. I wanted to stand on that stage and sing my heart out, play until my fingers were raw. I still do, mostly. I don't want to give up. But seeing what that next step looks like hurts a little bit. I'm not there yet. I don't know if I CAN get there by myself.

...I wanna hear people cheering for me like they did for her. I don't know if that's too much to ask or not.

[He feels a bit lucky that he only has a modest dream of saving the world]

What do you think it will take to get there?

[Hey, people cheer for that too, her among them. Don't try to recruit Lisa as a party member, though, she'll make a lousy bard.]

A lot more practice. Not just playing a few nights a week, but actual studio practice time, so I don't piss off my roommate by practicing at home. If I want to play Roselia's - my band's music, I probably need an electric guitar, and maybe a bass if I want to try that. More courage. Maybe bandmates, but part of me wants to get as far as I can by myself before I try that.

...that's a short list, right? Kinda? Not really?

Serious dedication then, huh? That makes sense. I'm sure you can do all of it if you really try. I don't know that I can help at all, but let me know if there's anything I can do.

I hope I can. And you've already helped a lot. You're keeping me from going crazy. Well, any more than I already have. You've seen a lot of me at pretty close to my worst, too. I don't think I could ask for much more than that, you know? So... thank you again, Elliott, seriously. Thank you for being there for me. Please, let me know if there's anything I can do for YOU.

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bearshermark - 2020-04-14 23:26 (UTC) - Expand