tramitem_net | Video - Diving into online dating apps

[ Strange dreams from the night before plagued his mind but he settled down to try and carry on with his chosen mission in spite of them. ]

Are you a man or a woman interested in finding a man or a woman?

[ Anthony read the question carefully before typing in an answer and speaking it aloud although he was sitting alone. ]

Sure.

[ He wasn't entirely certain what Alec's preferences were so Anthony hedged his bets and picked both. All the better to give his antisocial cousin as many choices as possible. The profile pages were filled out with Alec's information, the usual age, sex and location goodies along with the likes and dislikes... which were heavier on the dislikes than the likes. And it was rounded out with a handsomely smiling selfie of Anthony himself. They did practically look like twins! So what if the smile was a lie and unlikely to actually be seen on Alec's face. The potential new couple could work that out when they finally met.

Anthony sat in the gloom of his bedroom typing up as many online dating profiles on his laptop as there were online dating websites. Not for him of course, he had some one. It was Alec's own fault for making it sound like he was out there looking for some one to love and going about it in entirely the wrong ways. He just needed a little help, a friendly nudge to get the ball rolling and then the rest was entirely up to him only some of these questions were so outlandish and wild that they needed to be shared with the 'Different' crowd! ]

How do you prefer to be kissed, slow and tender or hard and passionately?

[ He frowned and gestured at his cell phone. ]

How would you even answer anything like that?? We're meeting for the first time not arranging a sleepover! Its a bit much for a profile question isn't it? Only thing worse would be asking how much you are making or... diving right into the do you want kids question.

[ His room was dark with the shades pulled tightly closed and yet he still wore his sunglasses as if he needed them to shield him from the glow of the computer. After a while he grumbled and rubbed at his eyes, while still keeping them very carefully shielded from the camera. ]

Sod it. I'll think of something to write in.

[ Anthony paused and frowned again at the screen.]

And now someone's asking if I'll watch their cat this weekend??

[ Each words was typed angrily. ]

Hire. A. Sitter.
At least a few of these don't look like lost causes. What do you lot think, is the online dating market always this bad? Maybe there is a better site out there?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I believe the question then is, whose good? Yours? I would be more angry if I thought for a moment your heart was in the wrong place.

I do believe you have a good outcome in mind. However, I think you are going about it improperly at best. If I had a better idea, best believe I would shove you in that direction! But there's a reason I have been single for years.

[Relationships were often a horror, in her mind. She had ~~little~~no interest in such things.]

Its not for me.

[ Was that too altruistic for a demon to admit? Well! He did it anyway. ]

He's lonely! He said as much before but not very good at making connections. I can help him with that.

[There's a long, long silence, and her face is still on the screen. Then Yotsuyu sighs.]

I understand that. Mayhap it is by choice? [Alec hadn't precisely been cordial when she had spoken to him, but things could have changed, since then.]

Since I am clearly not dissuading you, I should hope you are being cautious!

Partly, maybe... But he did say he was looking once.

[ Awkwardly, but it was said. ]

I'm not handing out contact particulars without checking these people out first. I have already said no to a former circus tightrope walker and an ex-con named Boris.

...oh, Anthony, if that isn't a blatant display of just why this is a bad idea...

But yes, it is good that you are not handling out particulars. That might just cross a line.

[But my, she does look pained.]

Hey look... They seemed nice enough just too adventurous for my cousin. I don't think he would like heights and I'm pretty sure 'find the soap' isn't a favorite game of his.

[ A shrug. ]

I could be wrong. Anyway the little doughnut lady from the Bronx might be a winner! I mean, if nothing else, free doughnuts?

Possibly...if Alec likes doughnuts. I am sure you'll say everyone does, but...

[Well, she certainly does, but Yotsuyu has quite the sweet tooth...]

I just don't want him to be angry at you, either. You are family.

Actually he probably doesn't have much of a sweet tooth.

[ Adds doughnuts to the 'dislike' list. ]

And you do have a point about that. He would be angry if he found out... Family meddling in his personal affairs, bit of a sticking point. I can't blame him, it can be annoying. My big sister is still mad at me for not marrying the lady she set me up with.

Well, I do. Like doughnuts, that is
So tell her I'll gladly take her out to lunch in exchange for doughnuts.

Really? For a doughnut?

What if I slithered over to your place some morning with a few bear claws?

I suppose we would have to break for lunch.

I'm not bringing enough for you and your new girlfriend. You're going to have to chose.

...Anthony, that's not what I meant. I only wanted her for her doughnuts.

I meant, well, should you slither over and bring something sweet--or really just yourself, as you're quite sweet--we, meaning you and I, may find time to go to lunch. Between other distractions.

That's not very kind... just dating some one for their pastries.

[ He carried on, wondering how long it might be before Aziraphale realized he was being teased. ]

I do like the sound of 'other distractions'. Once we shove her out the door you could show me a few of those?

...and you still did this?

If I were there I'd be slapping you upside the head with my slipper!

[the power of the chancla...]

Yeah, well... he meddles all the time too! Its a family thing... You show how important some one is to you by pissing them off, getting into their affairs, and meddling as much as possible.

I'll just have to remember to be quick enough to dodge the slippers.

Well, clearly you shan't need to be dodging mine. There's no need. But I suppose you have a point. My former family certainly meddled as much as possible, given the opportunity.

[Which is the precise reason she went no contact with them in the first place, because to hell with that.]

That's something. Won't have to dodge Different Mum's slippers.

[ He had to snicker as she often was the voice of reason, everyone on the network's mom. ]

Your former family?

Anyway I tried running away from family once... They only tracked me down. I won't make the mistake of leaving them again. Especially not with two of them involved in this Bureau shit.

I did have to come from somewhere, did I not? I did not come full-sprung into myself, like Athena from Zeus' head!

[But she's amused, at least a little.]

I left them behind in Utah and I have not been in contact. And for now, they seem to be content to leave me be. I suppose my brother is their darling, so they can forget about me. As he's always been. I neither know nor care what the little bastard is up to.

[But she nods, then.] That I understand. It isn't as if I am truly going anywhere. Not with my son involved...

Well... I mean... you might've. I did. Not... current me of course but past me... Sort of created in the stars really.

[ For all he knew now those stories of the Gods and their offspring might prove to be as true as those old stories from the Bible. ]

Why do...

[ He started to ask the question and then thinking it a dodgy subject hesitated for a few brief seconds before charging on ahead to ask. ]

Some parents favor one child over another? It's never been something I have understood. Thought parents were meant to love all their kids, equally... My mum always did.

[ God not so much... ]

Sucks. When you're the one cast out.

My parents were missionaries; they died over in Africa of some plague or another. I'm not certain what.

My adopted parents were my aunt and uncle, childless at the time. Then, of course, they had a child of their own, and here we are, though what you've spoken of--natural parents favoring one over another--is most definitely not unheard of.

And to be completely honest, it's half dozen of one and six of another. They made sure that I felt unwelcome, like a burden, and I decided I did not want to spend another moment in their rather odious company.

[For the moment, she'll pass over Anthony's quizzical first statement. It's not exactly important, right now.]

Video - Diving into online dating apps

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