tramitem_net

It's pretty and fun and it was the only item I owned.

[ The. Only. ]

Yes?

[That is a record scratch on the thoughts in Bail's mind. Will they ever reach a point where Ben doesn't drop truths as the second half of an incomplete thought?]

First, can I have a hug? And then while your at it, explain to me how it was the only thing you owned?

[ He gives Bail the hug -warm, solid, surprisingly strong for his size - but ]

Only after you tell me what it was you wanted to say? Or was it asking for the hug?

[Bail liked Ben's hugs. He wouldn't deny it.]

I just wanted a hug, Ben. That's all. Now I'd like to understand the context of what you just told me. Because you left that part out.

[ Why can't he speak in topic sentences? Outlines? Important parts? He gives the rest like he considers it largely irrelevant, because he does, though he's still concerned about Bail and still holding onto him, albeit loosely. ]

Effectively a monk. No personal possessions aside from the light-saber, really.

[Bail likes effective communication. And that requires details.

He doesn't let go either. This hug is very reassuring.]

A space, warrior monk?

[ He's perfectly effective at communicating the important things. He may learn to fill in details for Bail, at least. ]

Yes. Exactly.

[Bail is very amused at the idea of Ben being a space warrior monk. But Bail was a space senator, which was also amusing.]

Do you want to sit down? Or just keep standing here?

"I guess that depends on how long you're staying and if you're still feeling awkward." Oh wait, was he not supposed to have noticed?

Bail was almost feeling not awkward again. Hence the request to sit down, which was meant to imply he intended to stay a while.

He would have to be more clear, it seemed.

Also, he was back to feeling awkward, but he wasn't sure if it was mostly because of the exchange over the network or if it was Ben's question... Was Ben reading his emotions?

Bail didn't know how he felt about that.

"I would like to stay for a while and talk."

He smiles a little and lets go to move back toward the living room couch. "Then let's stay and talk. Is this a conversation we can have while touching?"

There were moments when Bail wondered about Ben. This was one of those moments.

"Uhm... yes?" he said, uncertain as he followed Ben. "I would like to continue touching you... What are you really asking?"

"There are conversations that are heavy enough that, at times, they're easier to have, and have honestly, without physical contact. What I'm asking you is what I asked you." Not defensive or upset at all just... very much clarifying.

"Ah," Bail said. He supposed that was absolutely correct.

He took a seat on the couch and tugged Ben to join him.

"No, nothing that serious. I just figured if I was going to stay a while, sitting would be better than continuing to stand. Unless... you had something serious you needed to discuss?"

He went with the tug and settled down against Bail, relaxed and comfortable after a moment. "I owe you an apology. I wasn't taking your anxiety about the... phaser." Blaster, his mind supplies, "nearly seriously enough and then didn't exactly handle being called out on that well. I'm sorry."

"Ben..." Bail started, instinctually wanting to help smooth this over, but he stopped himself to say first, "Thank you."

But he did also feel he should add, "I could have explained my reasons... I don't want to do anything to harm my daughter. That's who I instantly thought about the moment I saw the thing."

"And it shouldn't have taken me as long as it did to realize that." He appreciates the apology being... accepted, though he's faintly confused at being thanked for it. It just needed to be said. Especially since he got defensive from being wrong to begin with.

"It's okay," Bail said. "It's not as if knowing I have a daughter inherently imbues you with my perspective." He smiled. "If only gaining all the right knowledge about how to deal with children came to each of us that easy. But, then, I wouldn't have much of a job."

Especially, he thinks but does not say, when his daughter is something he knows about, respects, and is aware of-

but is very much an ideal rather than a person to him. Which is fine and as it should be for now but it does require him consciously remember sometimes.

"You'd still have the people who know and don't care, I suppose, and the results of them but that sounds... less rewarding."

As long as Bail could tell that Ben was trying, he was okay with the effort Ben made. He knew Ben was a good person, at heart and in his actions. One misfired conversation was not a blight on his opinion of the man. Bail still wanted to... to do this, what they were doing right now, actually. Among other things, but this was really nice.

"It would be less rewarding. I would need to find something more rewarding, like your profession. Maybe you need to teach me how to perform on ice."

"We still haven't gone skating together," he realizes, but that's followed quickly by a slight headshake - no loss of his smile, though: "I don't think they're the same kind of rewarding." He loves what he does, but it's not... profound.

“It doesn’t need to be the same,” Bail said, mentally marking another tick in the column of Ben devaluing himself. Bail wasn’t here to change Ben, but maybe someday he could convince him to see how wonderful Bail saw him.

“And I would very much like to go skating with you.”

"Then let's plan it. Since we're so deep into summer Aviator's probably our best bet, but that just means we can use the good sound system. Do you need skates or do you have your own?" He was happy about this plan. He wanted to skate with Bail, a lot. Sharing what he loved with people he cared about was a... big thing for him.

"You're asking me, a born and bred New Yorker, if I don't have my own pair of skates and need them?" Bail asked, feigning slight outrage.

He gives Bail a flat, but amused, look. "We rent a lot of skates to people who are born and bred in New York."

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