text; about 3am the night before the soiree

[howkickassiam]

God, y'all weren't kidding about the whole getting your memories back thing

It's enough to make me want to go on down to TX again to avoid this

I don't even know who she is, but I can tell from the way the memory went

I loved her so much

And at the end I just decided to let her go

I let her go

Comments

[chenqing_player]

[He is glad this is text because now he's cracking up.]

You already started without me? Cruel.

Offer of the hug still stands. You know I give good ones.

[howkickassiam]

I'd like that. And there's a 24 hour bagel shop next door if you want to get something there for breakfast later

[chenqing_player]

You got it. Me and the bagels will be there in record time.

[He's already dressed and heading out the door.]

[howkickassiam]

Thanks, Xian

[ In the time it takes for Xian to get to his place, he drinks some water to try to sober up a little. It doesn't really take, though, and he ends up slumped at one of his kitchen chairs, clutching his glass, which is on the table. ]

[chenqing_player]

[With bagels in hand, he knocks on the door..wondering if he should just go in just in case the man is passed out on the floor. But he'll give it a minute before he tries the door.]

[howkickassiam]

"Come in!" he calls, though it comes out more like "m'in!"

[chenqing_player]

He pushes the door open and walks in, heading to where he thought the voice came from. He sets the bagels down on the table with a sympathetic smile, "Breakfast has arrived whenever you feel up to eating it."

[howkickassiam]

"Mmh," York grunts. "In a little bit."

He's not sobered up, but he's close enough to it to have started to experience some embarrassment about his post.

"I probably seem pretty pathetic right now, huh?"

[chenqing_player]

He reaches out and gives his shoulders a little squeeze as he leans over him, "Not that bad. At least you stayed home and got drunk. I went out and got embarrassingly drunk after mine."

[howkickassiam]

He looks up at Xian, over his shoulder.

"Well, that's something."

He looks then at the bag of bagels.

"What type did you get?"

[chenqing_player]

"Wasn't sure what you would prefer soooo...one of each." He grins and plops down in the kitchen chair next to him. "But you don't have to rush and eat them unless you want to. They aren't going anywhere." And neither is he. Emotional support Wei Wuxian is there for the long haul if York wants to unload on him.

[howkickassiam]

York chuckles, though his heart isn't quite in it. "I thought that bag was a little big."

[chenqing_player]

"I spared no expense." He pushes the bag towards him if he desires it. "So, you want to tell me about it or would you rather forget what you remembered?"

[howkickassiam]

"I can tell you," he says.

He pauses for a moment, regardless, before he says, "It's weird. I have never felt that way about a person in my life—in this life. I don't know what happened to her, I just know I was thinking about what had happened to her and that she was probably actually dead...and I decided to let her go."

[chenqing_player]

He leans on the table as he listens. Since all of his memories have revolved around death he can certainly understand. But he also doesn't really know anything about that kind of love or what it would feel like to lose someone like that.

"Decided to let her go...like..to her death? Or..to move on from her death?"

[howkickassiam]

"To move on," he says. "To release her memory, and to stop relying on the idea that she might still be alive somewhere."

He ponders it for a moment, his head tilted slightly, then abruptly pounds his fist against the table.

"But I can't remember what happened to her," he says.

[chenqing_player]

"Maybe that's the memory that you get next. These things don't seem to come in order. At least mine haven't been.."

He reaches out and puts his hand on top of York's, "Kind of sucks right now, but the answers will come eventually."

[howkickassiam]

He looks at Xian with a bleary gaze.

"Yeah," he says. "I suppose. But then what? We're in New York and they're...there...and what are we supposed to do about it?"

[chenqing_player]

"That's kind of my problem with all of this..I mean..it's the past. It's not like we can change it. We'll probably never see these people again, so why do these memories have to break up our lives? But they do."

He sighs. It's not really fair, but someone out there decided to they had to live through this.

"Maybe the point is to just remember so that the ones lost do kind of get a chance to live on through us. Who knows what the point is."

[howkickassiam]

"I don't like it," he grumbles. He turns his hand over underneath Xian's to touch his palm, though.

"The only thing I like about this is I know I'm not the only one going through it."

[chenqing_player]

He tilts his head as he looks at him with a smile, "It's a nice little community of people we have for support. It's my highlight on this little mind trip as well."

It's nice meeting people he probably never would have encountered if life just kept rolling along like normal. And it has certainly spiced things up a bit.

[howkickassiam]

"Mind trip." He snorts lightly and shakes his head. "I always associated that expression with taking drugs, like tripping on acid, or something."

That's probably what it actually means. Leave it up to the Bureau to find another way to define it.

[chenqing_player]

"That's one was to look at it. I figure anything that makes you think you are going crazy, also falls into that category." And past memories coming in the form of dreams? Definitely makes him feel crazy.

[howkickassiam]

"Yeah, you've got that right." He takes a deep sigh, then extracts his hand to take a drink of his water.

[chenqing_player]

"So don't let the memories drive you crazy. Eventually you'll know the answers you seek." He figures eventually they all have to have a more complete picture of those past lives so that they don't have to deal with so many unknowns.