text; about 3am the night before the soiree

[howkickassiam]

God, y'all weren't kidding about the whole getting your memories back thing

It's enough to make me want to go on down to TX again to avoid this

I don't even know who she is, but I can tell from the way the memory went

I loved her so much

And at the end I just decided to let her go

I let her go

Comments

[howkickassiam]

"To move on," he says. "To release her memory, and to stop relying on the idea that she might still be alive somewhere."

He ponders it for a moment, his head tilted slightly, then abruptly pounds his fist against the table.

"But I can't remember what happened to her," he says.

[chenqing_player]

"Maybe that's the memory that you get next. These things don't seem to come in order. At least mine haven't been.."

He reaches out and puts his hand on top of York's, "Kind of sucks right now, but the answers will come eventually."

[howkickassiam]

He looks at Xian with a bleary gaze.

"Yeah," he says. "I suppose. But then what? We're in New York and they're...there...and what are we supposed to do about it?"

[chenqing_player]

"That's kind of my problem with all of this..I mean..it's the past. It's not like we can change it. We'll probably never see these people again, so why do these memories have to break up our lives? But they do."

He sighs. It's not really fair, but someone out there decided to they had to live through this.

"Maybe the point is to just remember so that the ones lost do kind of get a chance to live on through us. Who knows what the point is."

[howkickassiam]

"I don't like it," he grumbles. He turns his hand over underneath Xian's to touch his palm, though.

"The only thing I like about this is I know I'm not the only one going through it."

[chenqing_player]

He tilts his head as he looks at him with a smile, "It's a nice little community of people we have for support. It's my highlight on this little mind trip as well."

It's nice meeting people he probably never would have encountered if life just kept rolling along like normal. And it has certainly spiced things up a bit.

[ashenscipher]

There are people like this in my memories, too.

People I have strong feelings about, but I don't know at all.

Maybe you will get more memories of this woman?

[inquiryguqin]

Are you going to be all right?

I don't what I could do to help, but if you like, we can get together for a cup of iced coffee.

[howkickassiam]

I'll be fine. You know. Not much choice otherwise.

Having some coffee would be nice, though. Maybe tomorrow? After the party and all.

[howkickassiam]

I hope so. It wouldn't make much sense otherwise. You know?

[howkickassiam]

"Mind trip." He snorts lightly and shakes his head. "I always associated that expression with taking drugs, like tripping on acid, or something."

That's probably what it actually means. Leave it up to the Bureau to find another way to define it.

[inquiryguqin]

Sure, of course. Certainly.

I'll join you tomorrow after the party.

[chenqing_player]

"That's one was to look at it. I figure anything that makes you think you are going crazy, also falls into that category." And past memories coming in the form of dreams? Definitely makes him feel crazy.

[ashenscipher]

It would not. But maybe we should all prepare for nonsense at some point.

[howkickassiam]

"Yeah, you've got that right." He takes a deep sigh, then extracts his hand to take a drink of his water.

[howkickassiam]

If she's as big a deal in that other life as this memory led me to believe, that's gotta happen. I really just don't see it otherwise.

[chenqing_player]

"So don't let the memories drive you crazy. Eventually you'll know the answers you seek." He figures eventually they all have to have a more complete picture of those past lives so that they don't have to deal with so many unknowns.

[ashenscipher]

Then at least you will get the closure of learning who she is.

[howkickassiam]

"It's just..." He scrunches up his mouth, then shakes his head and sighs.

"Never mind. You're right. You really are! It just hit me harder because of being one of the first ones."

[howkickassiam]

Eh, I guess. That's better than nothing, it's just that...I mean, if she's that important to me over there, am I not going to end up just missing her for the rest of my life?

[chenqing_player]

He sticks his lower lip out in a slight pout and reaches out to smack his shoulder lightly.

"It's just, what? No holding back in the confession session."

He can't blame him by being hit hard by a rough memory as one of his first ones. Wei Wuxian's firsts have all been...terrible. So obviously he is sympathetic to the man's problem.

[howkickassiam]

"It's just not fair," he says with a shrug. "I shouldn't be thrown into the deep end of being in love with someone like that without knowing the part about how we met and fell in love and stuff."

[chenqing_player]

"Agreed, that isn't fair. But honestly..to just know you were in love at some point must feel nice. Complicated...but nice." He's never known what it felt like to be in love in any part.

[ashenscipher]

I suppose it would be like breaking up with someone. Even though you only have memories of them.

I am sorry you have to go through that.

[howkickassiam]

"Yeah..." He sighs and shoves a hand through his hair. "I did get the sense it was complicated."