Text - OTA

[not_as_i_do]

Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a day of work and forget all of this. You have to be able to ... to put it away somewhere, just to focus on what needs doing.

But then some strange little random thing will remind me, and it all comes crashing back. Today, it was a young man's eyes, on the subway home. They were so blue, and I thought, 'my son has eyes like that'. But I don't have a son. Not here. But I do in the memories.

I know I should probably save these things for group, but ... somehow it's easier putting them here in writing. I feel like ... it should still all be secret. Like I should be used to keeping secrets.

I've never been secretive in my life.

Does anyone else have moments like this?

Comments

text;

[traceofeffort]

Ugh, yeah, this stuff kills me on more than one side. It's not bad some days, I'll be humming and then it'll be something from another life. And then on the bad days it's like I'm missing friends I never had and it just hurts.

[not_as_i_do]

So you've been getting the memories long enough to be able to connect them. Like finding pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. ... Is it changing how you interact with people? I ... In the only memory I have right now, I'm alone, and I get the feeling I'd been alone for quite a while. I'd imagine that changes people... would change me.

[traceofeffort]

[Lisa laughs tonelessly, before she remembers she's communicating text-only and huffs at her phone.]

I kinda have the opposite problem. I'm a little bit of a lone wolf trying to prove something on this side, and my memories are of a girl surrounded by people that like her more than she likes herself, and that she works together with to reach new heights. It's definitely made me rethink how I talk to people.

[not_as_i_do]

Then it sounds like this has been inspiring for you, in certain situations.

Whatever you feel you need to prove, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Are you still working on that song you told me about on the subway?

[traceofeffort]

Yeah, surprisingly. I'm trying to internalize some of her better traits, but she's pretty good at taking things as they come.

Ah, right, I was still working on LOUDER when I saw you before. I made pretty good progress on that one - we had a beach party a month, maybe six weeks ago, and I played it there for the first time. It was fantastic. I've got a recording, I should send you the YouTube link. Anyway, I was dancing around it then, but it's one of hers - from my memories. I've got more.

[not_as_i_do]

I can see how drawing on her flexibility could be extremely useful ... especially with that whole other world business we just had crop up.

That sounds like you finished it not long after we spoke, then. I'd love that link when you get the chance!

[traceofeffort]

Ugh, don't remind me about that. It ended pretty well, but it was a little touch and go for me, for a while there. She wasn't any help to me on that side, that's for sure!

I'll make sure you get it! I'm still messing with it a little bit, but it's largely done. I was starting work on another, but... I might push that one off for a bit. It's going to drag up some bad memories from this side, for a while.

[not_as_i_do]

Touch and go? You didn't get hurt at all out there, did you?

[traceofeffort]

Not through anything but my own idiocy and the local bad juju. I'll get over it. You couldn't see anything past my dress at the ball anyway, so! No harm done, it's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

[not_as_i_do]

[repetition of 'fine' indicates it isn't? but he hasn't known her long, and he doesn't want to pry. he remembers how his niece and nephew were at Lisa's age]

Glad to hear it. ... Do you think you'll go back, since the portal is still there? I'm of two minds ...

[traceofeffort]

[She has a sinking feeling he didn't buy it. Oh well, it'll be fine... probably.]

I probably will, honestly? For one, someone needs to make sure the deities aren't thrown out of balance again, and I don't exactly trust the Bureau with that. But for another, I can be a bit of a shopaholic sometimes, and for how far behind our world it is, there's some neat stuff in their market.

[not_as_i_do]

[probably. but he'll keep a somewhat distant eye on her just in case. he isn't close enough to be That Worried, but ... well. they're a small group, and he can't help but feel they should keep after one another]

They did have some very interesting things. I may pick something up for my niece's next birthday - I have a feeling she'd love one or two of those scarves to accent her professional outfits, once she gets to the point of needing to interview for things. Also: you really can't beat that barter system of theirs. A case of cheap water from Sam's Club and a rolling suitcase, and you're in the money over there.

[traceofeffort]

The scarves were fantastic, yeah, I got at least one. It certainly fills my pantry, too. Although I don't know about the suitcase idea, it's kind of like walking around with a briefcase of money on our side. I don't want to get mugged over a few dozen bottles of water.

CW: violence

[not_as_i_do]

I admit to not having thought of the mugging. It is a bit akin to a miniature armored truck, isn't it? Might even start a

[he hits send on the text without realizing it, as the memory slams into him like the armored truck in metaphorical question. standing in the middle of a sea of chaos and violence, people shouting, screaming. bones breaking, flesh hitting flesh. but he's utterly calm in his orange jumpsuit: happy, even, as he holds a cell phone up to one ear. "Malcolm! How are you, my boy? I took Ainsley's advice... She did?!" There's a pause. A knot in his throat. Behind him, someone is unconscious on the concrete floor. Guards with billy clubs are arriving. Yet his voice swells with pride, oblivious. "My girl..."]

[traceofeffort]

[Hmm. That's not quite normal. Although she's done it herself once or twice before, on here specifically...]

Yeah, it concerned me a little. Speaking of concerning, you okay over there?

[not_as_i_do]

[he comes out of it like a drowning man breaking the surface, with a ragged gasp. he'd dropped his phone in his lap, and for a moment he thought he may have dozed off at his desk. dreamt. then he sees the prematurely sent text, and realizes exactly what happened. his fingers are still shaking as he types]

Memory just hit. New one.

[traceofeffort]

[Lisa winces in sympathy.] I've done that too. Think I freaked Elliott right out at the time. You okay?

[not_as_i_do]

I'm not sure. It was disturbing: I was standing in the middle of a prison riot, of all things. And I was on the telephone with someone as though I didn't even care it was happening. I don't know what on Earth to make of it.

[traceofeffort]

I don't have words for how much that freaks ME out, and you're the one looking at it. I'm sorry. I hope there's a reasonable explanation, at least. Even if it's going to be coming further down the line.

[not_as_i_do]

Thank you, dear girl. For what it's worth, I was telling someone I took their advice, so ... maybe they'd told me something that would help me get out of there? I don't know. I barely even know who I was talking to.

[traceofeffort]

Hopefully? That'd have to be some pretty good advice to get out of something like THAT, though. Like most of our early memories, I think you'll just have to wait for more context.

[not_as_i_do]

You're right, of course. I both want to know, and don't. I think it's more the waiting in between that gets me.

[traceofeffort]

Yeah, tell me about it. I like finding out more about myself - or, well, you get what I mean - but I wish she'd send more than one letter every other week.