Text - OTA

[not_as_i_do]

Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a day of work and forget all of this. You have to be able to ... to put it away somewhere, just to focus on what needs doing.

But then some strange little random thing will remind me, and it all comes crashing back. Today, it was a young man's eyes, on the subway home. They were so blue, and I thought, 'my son has eyes like that'. But I don't have a son. Not here. But I do in the memories.

I know I should probably save these things for group, but ... somehow it's easier putting them here in writing. I feel like ... it should still all be secret. Like I should be used to keeping secrets.

I've never been secretive in my life.

Does anyone else have moments like this?

Comments

[howkickassiam]

Kind of. It would have been better if I could remember who she was. Or anything about her. You know? Instead of just remembering how much I felt toward her and how I decided to let her go.

[not_as_i_do]

Seems like you never realize just how tangled up in each other your memories are until they're parceled out like this. ... And I mean 'you' in the collective sense. I don't know a single other thing about my son, either. Just that he is ... and what he looks like, sounds like. Nothing else. It's utterly surreal. I can only imagine having that same conundrum about a lover. That ... well, it sucks, I'm sure. A lot.

[howkickassiam]

Yeah, it's like that. Having a son you didn't know about would be crazy, too, so I really feel you there.

[not_as_i_do]

It was a very short thing, too. Didn't tell me very much at all, save for that apparently I'm in the same profession but no longer practicing for some ... ominous reason.

[he figured that for now he could leave out the detail of being cuffed and chained to a wall. he still didn't know how to handle that one himself, let alone share it]

I know you said yours was vastly different, when we met...

[howkickassiam]

Yeah, I'm apparently some kind of space marine over there.

[not_as_i_do]

Right, right, that was it! I remember now. [he smiles a little, a bit embarrassed, and nods]

You've been here a little while, right, York? Is it ... taboo to ask other people about their memories? I mean, sharing them, specifically? It almost feels like asking someone what their porn preferences are.

[howkickassiam]

[ He laughs heartily before he responds. The idea that someone could offend him by asking questions about these things is ridiculous to him. ]

Yeah, been here a while. I don't know of any taboos about asking about the memories, myself. I just share them if someone asks.

Why, you got a specific question?

[not_as_i_do]

I'm not really sure. I've only had the one so far. How long was it before you started getting more?

[howkickassiam]

I get a couple a month? Usually, anyway. I was out of town for a while and didn't get any, then.

[not_as_i_do]

Sounds like I could be getting another any minute now, at that rate, then. I'd say I'll try to be prepared, but there isn't any really feasible way to make that happen.

[howkickassiam]

Right. You don't know what you'll see, so it's hard.

[not_as_i_do]

Does everyone tend to share them all? Or is it just a sort of sporadic thing? Anything we might find particularly noteworthy, like your mysterious lady friend...

[howkickassiam]

Noteworthy stuff, yeah, I think so. I wouldn't tell every little thing that popped into my head, anyway. And I'm an open book at the best of times.

[not_as_i_do]

I wonder if that's why they gave us this network. To see what kind of things we're learning. ... Not that I'm a tin foil hat person by any stretch of the imagination. Just ... an idle thought.

[howkickassiam]

Ugh, yeah, I know they're watching. That's part of why I don't share as much as I would otherwise.

[not_as_i_do]

Sensible of you. Perhaps I should do the same.