[video]

[scotch_egg]

[when he appears he looks more like an unmade bed than usual. His eyes are red rimmed and bloodshot. There's an obvious hotel room behind him and more than one empty bottle of something someone with a heart condition really shouldn't be drinking-- and it shows]

Congratulations,

You win. You've got it all. Magic, reincarnation, astral fucking projection for all I know. You don't really belong in this normal world, you're not just another bloody sheep, you're something better. Something more.

Good for you and I hope it doesn't blow up in your bloody face.

'Bye.

[and he hangs up. Or at least covers the phone with his hand which is the same thing]

Comments

[temptationaccomplished]

[That more than anything else tells him the weight of the mistakes made. Aziraphale swallows around a tightening in his throat and nods, repeating the name gently and with the utmost care.]

Alec.

[scotch_egg]

[no. that's even worse]

Don't you dare cry, Fell. [he can hear it.]

[temptationaccomplished]

[He's not making any promises in that regard. He stubbornly tries to think of a comeback.]

I don't see how you intend to stop me.

[scotch_egg]

Rughnnn [he flops onto the bed, pulling the pillow over his head, but the phone is nearby]

I will literally pay you not to.

[temptationaccomplished]

Bribes? [He gives a tiny smile. And then, knowing he doesn't deserve it:]

Pay me in your words? Please keep talking to me. Please don't shut me out.

[scotch_egg]

[a groan]

You don't even bloody know me. Just pretend I don't look like Anthony. Pretend I'm not even related.

[temptationaccomplished]

Pretending all that doesn't change that I care about you, Alec. And I would know you better if you would let me in.

[scotch_egg]

Not interested. [Fell had other things to worry about and he wanted to be as far away from that as he could possibly be. As far away as he could without making Anthony weird about it. Bloody hell he was tired of being mixed up in this drama.

but then softer because he didn't really want to hurt Fell's feelings]

Sorry.

[temptationaccomplished]

[That stung.]

No. That's fair.

I'm sorry I involved you in all this. You didn't deserve that.

[scotch_egg]

It wasn't you, it was Anthony. He's always like a storm wherever he goes.

[a sigh]

Trust me it's better this way.

[temptationaccomplished]

[It wasn't Anthony crying on your shoulder and telling you he wished it was you.]

Is it, though? Do you really believe that?

[scotch_egg]

[it was still because of Anthony that it had happened. And aren't you glad that wish never came true]

I really do.

[temptationaccomplished]

[That's a complicated statement with a complicated answer.]

[a sigh]

Right.
Well.
If you should need me...for anything... [he tries for a smile and there's a rise in his inflection, hopeful] just, ah, give me a ring on the phone? We could go for coffee, since, uh, cocoa was clearly not your thing. You needn't even say anything. Just, you know.

[scotch_egg]

It's fine.

[he wouldn't]

But just so you know, you're a good man, Fell.

... I appreciate it.

[because no matter what Anthony decided, he would be happy. And that sort of happiness was rare and absolutely priceless]

[temptationaccomplished]

And so are you, Alec. Very much so.

[He wants to say more and if the ooc delay on this tag is any indication, it was very hard for him to decide whether or not to say it: if it would be kinder or crueler to Alec to express how much he values having Alec in his life and does not want to lose that.]

[scotch_egg]

[he snorts at that. Not that he doesn't believe him, but there's a difference between good and effectual and he's never been very good at the latter.

Their relationship, though, such as it was-- He's not a good enough man to keep it going. There doesn't seem much point. But he is confident that over time it will cease to matter. Two people who looked at each other like that didn't need anyone else]

Good night, Fell.

[temptationaccomplished]

Good night, Alec. Mind how you go.