[video] - what i need is a good defense

[phdmotherfucker]

[ Harleen looks like she's had a rough night. The lighting is doing no favors for the dark circles under her watery red eyes, her mascara is smudged, and her hair probably hasn't even seen a comb. She clears her throat and her voice is raspy when she speaks. ]

So I got another round of memories, and uh. I think that other me is living in a horror movie or something. And I think she ... might not be the hero.

Are we absolutely sure there's no mute button on this shit?

Comments

[darkforcerising]

Well, shit. That's rough.

I don't know how to stop them, I only know how to manage my emotions after I get them.

[phdmotherfucker]

Yoga? Guided meditation tapes? Drinking?

[darkforcerising]

Only lorazepam if I wake up with a full-on panic attack.

Yoga is for the physical therapy, not the mental therapy.

Mostly mental grounding exercises, coping techniques. The usual a wounded vet would have in their therapy arsenal if they attended therapy regularly.

[phdmotherfucker]

I know. I'm usually the one teaching the coping techniques.

[darkforcerising]

Okay. Then practice what you preach.

I can't run you through an EMDR session because that would be unethical as I am not a licensed therapist. But I am a connoisseur of many years of therapy. So I know this stuff you guys teach works. I mean, with constant practice, so I guess doing it one time right now might feel pointless.

But I donno, tell me five true things about yourself. That you're willing to share with me.

[phdmotherfucker]

Grounding usually starts with things someone can see, hear. The sensory stuff. But, okay, uh.

I went to University of Georgia, then Stanford. I'm a natural blonde. I have one tattoo. I was a gymnast. I don't actually need glasses even though I wear them at work.

[darkforcerising]

Ya, but you've just experienced firsthand the memories of another person.

Reminding yourself who you are, here, now, helps.

Is this glasses thing something I as a white dude just won't get 'cause no one would question why I have the degree I have and the job I have... or is this some late 2000's Millennial-ism?

[phdmotherfucker]

I'm conventionally attractive, so I don't get taken as seriously without them. That sounds like some humble brag bullshit, but it's real. A big heavy pair of frames say, "Oh, Barbie can read!"

[darkforcerising]

Men are assholes.

[phdmotherfucker]

Are you just figuring that out now? Because it's old news.

[darkforcerising]

No. I've known.

[phdmotherfucker]

Congratulations. Give yourself a sticker for self-awareness.

[darkforcerising]

[ Anakin is so fucking tired of people getting churlish with him, unprovoked, on this network. He just adds Harleen to the list of people he'll avoid and deletes the notif without responding. ]

[phdmotherfucker]

[ Oh no, did she hurt his delicate feelings by not getting over her moment of crisis with the barest of feminist platitudes? Truly, her heart is broken, irrevocably, with the loss of this most stimulating conversation. She will never recover.

Or she won't give it a second thought. Definitely one of those two things. ]

[chenqing_player]

Welcome to the 'I don't think I'm a good guy' club. I've felt that way a few times with my memories. I wish I knew how to shut at least the bad ones off.

[phdmotherfucker]

[ She chuckles dryly and lightly taps the camera with her palm. High-five. ]

[chenqing_player]

[He will return the high five because he can't just leave her hanging.]

Maybe she was just having a bad day.

[phdmotherfucker]

That's really an understatement. I-- She was in a cage.

I'm trying to think of it as part of a movie or a really vivid dream, instead of letting it sit there pretending to be one of my own memories.

[chenqing_player]

Yeah, I've basically done the same. [At least in the beginning. He's had way too many of them now...]

I've also gotten to the point where I like to pretend there is another version of me in an alternate reality living this crazy life and it wasn't actually me.

[phdmotherfucker]

It's such an awful sort of whiplash, isn't it? It's not you but it feels like it really happened to you.

[chenqing_player]

Yeah. I actually died in one memory. Talk about a rough night.

[phdmotherfucker]

Jesus. The trauma of experiencing that, I can't even ... I mean, shit, man. I'll buy you a drink if I see you around.

[tobodlygo]

[Oh lord. Harleen looks like she's really been through the ringer.]

Shit, Harleen. I can't help with the memories but uh I got, uh,

[James looks around, digging something out from under his desk, pulling out some well-loved dvd cases. ]

RomComs, straight up Coms, uhhh, I can grab like 5 metric tonnes of ice cream, but if you want booze I'm afraid I have no idea what to get.

[phdmotherfucker]

You're sweet.

You know what, sure. If I'm not going to sleep anyway I might as well watch a movie.