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video/ mid-afternoon

[This was bullocks. This was absolute bullocks. He felt like he'd stepped into a rerun of the bloody Xfactor or whatever it was. Reincarnation, memories from another life, nonsense. Absolute rubbish. Yet he couldn't stop dreaming about it. Every night it had happened. The girl in the water, pulling her out, some agony tight in his chest-- and-- incredible loneliness. Incredible grief. More than once he'd woken up in tears and so was running on as little sleep as possible.

So when he appears on the feed, he's looking haggard and cross. He's never been much for technology. He's also wanted to avoid touching this... supernatural disaster-- but he's exhausted all other possibilities short of going to therapy and if it is connected to this-- organization, maybe someone can give him a clue]

My name is Crowley. I'm looking for a missing girl, about eleven to fourteen. Shoulder length dirty-blonde or brunette hair, wearing a locket. Heart shaped. If anyone's seen her, or knows anything about her, let me know.

Or if anyone can tell me about the Bureau. The truth about the Bureau. Not the interdimensional whatever it is. How prevalent are they? How prevalent are 'we'? Is anyone doing any sort of investigating at all?

[and while he knew it wasn't a good idea to question so openly on their own network, he needed information. And it would be interesting to see what they did with this threat, if anything.]

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Well... not in the usual sense. They just make me feel kinda inadequate. Like I'm missing something. But yeah, I've got a support network, more or less. Uh, I'm always taking applications, though! Candidates must speak a language and not be judgmental all the time. [Lisa smiles sunnily. Then he acts like he's going to sign off and she panics a bit, reaching for the camera]

Hey, wait- don't go! It's okay, seriously.

[he remains because she panics a little which makes him panic a little and his heart literally skips a beat. He takes a deep breath but softly so she wouldn't notice and offered a wry smile]

I speak English and that's all. Well, some Latin and a bit of French but not so much that it does any one any good. But as for the latter, not so much me at all. [he was always judging something. There was a complete inability in him to take anything at face value]

Don't let them make you feel inadequate though. Whatever you are is what you are. These are just... [he looks away, searching for the words] ancillary-- whatever they are. Dreams. Nightmares. [false memories] They don't change who you are now or make you any less.

One out of two's enough for provisional membership! Your card will be in the mail and should arrive in seven to ten business days. Offices are open never. But hey, Latin's cool. I never had the patience for that.

Inadequate might not be the perfect word? Jealous is probably closer. Other me had friends better at what I do than I am and I'm mad about it. I'm getting there, though. So I'm... okay. I just keep getting blindsided. Two weeks ago didn't help. If we ever get a chance to figure that one out, yeah, that's research I want to fast track.

[he's not sure how to react to that other than a faint smile. It's charming, though he has a feeling he'll find some way to cock it up he normally does with interactions.] Me either, but it was either learn declensions or get a smack with a ruler. Never got a bloody knuckle, but a lot of sleepless nights.

[he'd meant it to be a funny anecdote but out loud it sounded horrible.

He listened intently to what she was saying, wondering what she was meaning behind it. All it did was make him want to help and figure this out all the more]

What is it you do that they're better at? [he didn't understand that] I still don't think this is real. Or, there's something more to it. Something twisted. Something hidden. I don't like it. And I definitely don't like those ba-- people knowing more than I do about my own head. Or saying they do anyway.

Oof. Yeah, that's a very strong "get good". But hey, it got the job done, for better or worse. [She mostly keeps a smile, though it dims a bit at the idea of physical punishment for messing up. She'd probably be wearing a lot more concealer if that were her...]

Ah, I'm a guitarist. Singer-songwriter, except I'm terrible at writing lyrics and not much better with scores. Other me was in a band. She played bass, their guitarist is quite good, and their vocalist is fantastic. I am... less good than them, and it's frustrating. But I'll get there. Or hey, maybe I'll take up the bass. One or the other.

[The frustration at the Bureau and their situation, though, she completely understands, and her expression turned a bit stormier.]

I have a hard time believing what we're seeing is fake - I'm invested, for one, but I've just seen too much strange stuff already. And I don't like the Bureau either. They don't seem to be too torn up over that, either. I want answers, and I want them to make sense. I'd like to be able to find them myself rather than getting them from the Bureau, but I'll take what I can get, I suppose.

[it had, he supposed, and offers a slight smirk for that. He'd rather it not have happened but that was the way of it in those days. Violence was quick and cheap and easy.]

I'd like to hear you play. [and he meant it. Even though he didn't much go in for music as it was hard to find something satisfying-- but hard work was always worth hearing, even if it wasn't the best.

He isn't surprised at her belief in it though. Everyone wished to be somewhere different and it sounded like she had a band of some kind. Like minded friends. Perhaps she lacked those here which was why she clung so hard to that reality.

He might even be tempted to believe too if he'd had something cheerful like that. Well, maybe not because that seemed even less real than pulling a dead girl from the water and feeling like he was drowning with every step.]

They certainly don't seem to care for us much, that's for certain. It's pretty blase isn't it? I still don't understand what they're even getting from whatever this is. [he shakes his head Trust me, I want answers as quick and logical as you. But I doubt they'll come easy.

Other-me left me with a song I'm still trying to work out playing by myself instead of in a full band, but once I've figured it out, I've been meaning to play for everyone. I talk about it enough, but I don't think anyone's actually heard me play yet. So yeah, I'll make a point of that, someday soon! Um, thanks. That's a vote of confidence I kinda needed. [The less said about the preceding two weeks, the better, really. Not like the posts aren't there to look at.]

Getting answers from the Bureau is going to be like getting water from a stone. Except eventually we'd break the stone and know it didn't work. I wanna know how they're connected to all this... Really, I just have a lot of questions, and I don't even think most of them are important enough to need answers. But it's all on my mind and it's. Hard.

I'm behind you. [which sounded awkward and he hoped not in a creepy way. He didn't know why he was so invested but he really needed to remind himself to hold back. They were in two different circles and his should really go nowhere near hers]

Try a different metaphor then. We're not trying to get water from a stone, but trying to wear the stone down until we can see the cracks. We're the water here. It takes time and patience and vigilance. Nothing is ever solved in a day, and if you think it is it's because you missed something.

I appreciate that, seriously. [At this rate, she's going to have more fans here on the network than she did in Nashville... nope, better not voice that one, she'll just get disappointed again.]

Patience isn't something I've been real good at lately. There's a reason I'm not exactly leading the investigations. So someone with the discipline to help keep our collective heads on straight will be a big help. We've got one or two of those, but I don't know how well they can herd this many cats.

I've herded eighth graders, it can't be that different. [they ignored him mostly but]

I'd like to meet them somehow.

I bet your eighth-graders don't remember murdering someone, though. Or researching destructive arcane workings, or any of the other insane stuff we've got going on. Or playing in a rock band, but I'm kind of an outlier, like I said. Anyway, all that to say, most of us have a lot more baggage than the average eighth-grader, even as big as their problems feel to them at the time.

Been to one of the support group meetings the Bureau puts on yet? I'm not a huge fan of them for what the Bureau brings to them - and definitely not for the refreshments, they screw up Crystal Light somehow - but they're good for meeting new faces, and for those new faces to have an in with the older guard, if you wanna think of it that way.

They're not memories. [but he says it quietly, seeing her point and not really wanting to argue. They were all traumatic...and murdering stuck with him. Once more he feels the weight of the girl's body and the agonizing feeling in his chest-- as if he could have stopped this somehow. Had he...Could he have possibly?

But it didn't matter because it wasn't a memory]

Support meetings-- have never been-- [he grimaces] I don't see how it helps just to talk about things. It-- It just makes it worse.

I suppose I'll go and see what the fuss is about anyway. [he'll hate it]

We don't know what they are. I'm kind of on the romantic end of the spectrum there, I think - almost nobody else agrees with me, and I'm pretty adamant on my vision on our visions. At least one of the cynics hits the meetings often, though, to make sure nobody gets left behind. You'll probably meet him, at least. [She's thinking of Anakin; it's been a bit since she'd talked to him last, so that outlook may have changed, but it seemed prudent, and if she's wrong, hey, Crowley will meet Anakin, at least. That's the important part.]

If it helps, don't think too much about the actual support group part. Say what needs to be said, move things along. You're really there to network.

I can't do it. Get on board with that I mean. There's nothing in me that will ever believe it. [but he sounds sad almost about it, even if he isn't]

That might be a good idea. Not great at networking, but we all have to do what we don't want to sometimes. [this more to himself]

That's why I said there are two sides, y'know? Talk to the others. I don't mind at all - it's important to consider all the angles, but pick the one that suits your beliefs and your needs most. This is what keeps me sane, so this is what I believe. That's all.

[She's not trying to sound like a self-help book, but it comes with the territory. A moment later, Lisa smiles as he grudgingly seems to pencil in a support group session mentally.]

Just one. That's all I'm asking. Once you've met people, they can get you sorted from there, but I'm not the right person to introduce you to a lot of the other Different.

I-- Art is subjective but truth isn't. There's only one. [he sighs and leans back, folding his arms behind his head] I don't know. [he doesn't want to pick a fight but it's all so frustrating]

Thanks. For trying. For helping. And everything. You're a good kid.

[That sounds about as strong a dismissal as she's likely to hear, so she just nods.]

Ahaha, thank you. I'm... it was a lot, those first few weeks. It still is, in a lot of ways. But we'll get through this, and we'll figure things out. I don't know how much help I'll be, and I know I see some of this a little differently, but if I can do something, let me know, all right? Even if it's just directions or something. And I'll let you know when I wrap my head around this damned guitar track enough to not sound terrible.

[there is an awkward silence as he doesn't quite know how to respond to this. He probably won't because he's a grown man for God's sake. But he doesn't want to tell her that because her heart is in the right place.]

Right. Yes. Good. Great. Keep it up.

[that seems sufficient.]

Until later then?

[...oh no, he's as awkward as she's trying very hard not to be. Oh, dear. Well, it's fine, she's finding it out now when it's all over. Better now than five minutes ago. Don't laugh, don't laugh...]

Mm, until later. Good luck~♪

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video/ mid-afternoon

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