tramitem_net | [somewhat accidental video] -open

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broadchurch: alec hardy

[somewhat accidental video] -open

[he is on a date. At a restaurant maybe, in a store, walking into or out of a theatre. It is an awkward date from any way you look at it. Either the person is loud, or awkward, or touchy-feely and Alec looks like a mad rabbit ready to bolt at any moment. Whatever moment the camera catches is bound to cause second hand embarrassment.

At some point though during the evening, Alec will find a way to squirrel away from his...other to hiss into the camera:]

Help me.

[though he meant to send it to Anthony, well, that's not how it turns out]

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[Time to put on his actors hat. It's a good thing he knows how to be over the top when he needs to be. Really he just thinks this will be fun. He'll feel bad for the lady later.]

If that is what you desire just shoot me the address. I'll make sure the act is really convincing. No payment necessary.

Address? I don't know. One bloody mall or another. It has a Neiman-Marcus if that helps.

Wow..okay. This could take some time. Why are you even at a mall on a date? Is she twelve?

[A very rich twelve year old...He might be googling the closest Neiman-Marcus...]

No. Don't be disgusting. She's twenty-seven, twenty-eight.... [and a beautiful brunette as he might see as she emerges from the dressing room. Striking a pose]

Ah, brilliant.

['That's what you always say.' A pout. 'I think it makes my butt look big. What do you think?']

Ah, hang on, getting a call.

[and he turns and gives Wei a frantic look]

[He laughs.]

Okay okay..I'm working on it. I'm actually not that far from the nearest one. Maybe I'll get lucky. What's wrong with having a big butt anyway? Some guys dig that.

Do they? I suppose there is a song about it.

[ the girl gives an impatient: "well"?!]

Erm...it's great. I mean on you... not your arse... unless you want it to be.

[kill him. Kill him now. Make it quick. He doesn't even care about painless]

Woooow...smooth. You keep lines that like coming then you won't even need my help.

[Is this the kind of store that is going to demand to know how much he makes a year before walking in the door? He should have put on something more..expensive.]

I'm outside of one. I hope this is the right place or else you're going to have to keep coming up with those great compliments.

[he would have said something cutting as he was already bloody well embarrassed enough but the woman is clinging to his arm as they are burdened with bags and he's fairly bring dragged from the shop at a fast clip. Wei might have to trot to keep up but frankly Alec wouldn't mind being tackled round the ankles.]

[He spots his prey and tucks his phone away safely in his pocket. He follows at a distance for a bit, making sure to pick the perfect spot to let the exhibition take place. He scoots down a side aisle so that he can hurry ahead of them. Only way to make this work is to come in from the front. He hops out of a store a few feet ahead of them.]

Alec?? Oh..my..gawd...I've missed you so much. I can't believe this fate!

[Wei Wuxian does as he threatened and basically throws himself at Alec, wrapping his arms around his neck and ignoring the woman on his arm.]

[oh god. Oh christ. Oh what the hell was he doing? What he said, yes, but they were making a scene and people were staring and the woman was scowling and saying:

'What are you doing? Get lost, bozo!' And tries to tug Alec in another direction. Since he is basically stitched together with balsa wood and a prayer, he is only saved from stumbling in her direction by the arms round his neck]

[Sorry Alec. He couldn't resist going the full crazy. He shoots the woman an unimpressed look.]

Bozo? Really? Is that the best insult you could come up with? Alec, you really have downgraded in your tastes recently.

[He looks up at Alec and pouts.]

Are you replacing me? She's not nearly as cute as I am.

['Is that true?' she demands. 'He cannot be cuter than I am!']

No comment. [or should he have commented? Would it have been better if he had commented?]

He has a better... erm... [he's not going to say arse. That's going to get him into a lot of trouble] um... shoes.

[this was going terribly.

The woman totsses her hair back

'I don't believe you were together at all! Prove it!']

Oh God.

[Alec..he will apologize later but unfortunately, Wei Wuxian is completely shameless and not afraid to do..well..anything.

He gives her a look up and down and with as much sass as he knows how to muster..which is actually quite a bit...]

Oh honey..he's really not big into that whole 'baby's got back' kind of craze and you're really trying a little too hard for that in that outfit.

[he turns to Alec and leans up to whisper in his ear, the one not facing the obnoxious woman, with a smirk.]

If you don't smile..grab my butt..something..then I'm going to full on kiss you in the middle of this mall. The choice is yours.

[are you mad? he can't seem to move and he's not grabbing anyone's anything out in public. He tries a smile. It looks more like a pained grimace or a warning from a feral dog]

[He can't help but laugh softly when Alec's attempt is..terrible at best. Please don't hate him because he did warn you...

He brings his face around kisses Alec fully on the mouth, no hesitation, arms still draped over his shoulders. Just accept it because at least Wei Wuxian is an excellent kisser. And honestly..no one else is even paying attention since public displays of attention in a mall? Pretty normal scenery.]

[it... had been a long time...since he'd been kissed by anyone. He knew what it meant, or more specifically what it didn't mean-- and he wasn't even all that attracted to the kid--

But he found himself to his faint horror, relaxing to it anyway, his hand finding the small of Wei's back. He didn't return the kiss but it was all he could do not to as it was nothing and meant nothing and would be nothing.

It was a desperate measure in desperate times and he would come to regret this deeply]

[At least Alec didn't stay completely stiff. It just needed to be believable. He tries to hear if the crazy lady walks away but it's hard to hear footsteps in a busy place. So he lets it linger for about how long he would expect it to appear convincing that they were a thing.

When he breaks it, he doesn't pull away. He stays close and moves his lips along to Alec's ear. Brushing his lips against his cheek and keeping the whole act going just in case but making it so Alec can see behind him.

He whispers into his ear again.] Did it work? Is she gone?

[He still wants to die but for an entirely different reason. It takes him a moment to register the question, mostly because of the tickle in his ear and he has to remind himself of several things in quick succession-- the predominant was was his mind begging him not to be pathetic, or if he had to be, not to show it]

Aye... [he realizes it's a whisper and clears his throat] Aye. Aye she's gone. Thank you. [he drops his hand but doesn't immediately push Wei away]

[He grins as he drops his arms down and gives the man a little space. Very little. Just enough that he isn't pressed against him anymore.]

You're welcome. No one stands a chance against my charms. I guess it might have been a little easier to just try and charm her but she wasn't really my type.

[Was Alec his type? Hard to say. But it was more fun for him this way. Not that he hasn't just randomly made out with strangers at the club before, but he didn't think it would have been that easy with her. He reaches out to straighten Alec's clothing.]

Now that you are are free, what are you going to do?

[he swallows hard and takes a deep breath through his nose at the casual intimacy of that gesture. A shiver walks fingers p and down his spine]

I don't doubt... [the question threw him off. he was thrown off by this whole bloody thing. He tried to search for a good answer to that question]

Ah... no idea. Rethink my life choices. Probably. Unless you have a better plan.

[He laughs at that answer. Without realizing it, making people rethink their life choices and question their sexuality seems to be one of his specialties.]

I did disrupt your date. Hope I didn't throw off any plans you hadn't gotten to yet.

[Another thought hits him, realizing that he hadn't really asked if Alec was even okay with being kissed by a guy before he acted.]

Ah! Since you were on a date with a woman, I don't know if you actually like guys in that way but you don't have to worry about any of this ruining your reputation. I don't kiss and tell.

It's fine. No one cares. It's just... I mean... That-- I should-- do something for you other than just...provide entertainment-- You went out of your way...

[and it's...awkward. He doesn't like having a debt unpaid even if it is for...this]

It was no problem. But if you are treating, then I wouldn't turn down a meal. Or dessert if you have already eaten.

[He figures that Alec probably already ate with his date but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy a dessert from one of these fancy shops.]

Ah there's a gelato shop somewhere I think.

[he doesn't exactly want to ...linger. Besides which he doesn't know if he can eat anyway]

To the gelato shop then! Do we need to find a map?

[Because Wei Wuxian definitely doesn't know where to find anything but he can use the same app that got him here.]

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