[somewhat accidental video] -open

[scotch_egg]

[he is on a date. At a restaurant maybe, in a store, walking into or out of a theatre. It is an awkward date from any way you look at it. Either the person is loud, or awkward, or touchy-feely and Alec looks like a mad rabbit ready to bolt at any moment. Whatever moment the camera catches is bound to cause second hand embarrassment.

At some point though during the evening, Alec will find a way to squirrel away from his...other to hiss into the camera:]

Help me.

[though he meant to send it to Anthony, well, that's not how it turns out]

Comments

[serpentinthegarden]

Going that well is it?

Why? Is she some kind of ogre?

[scotch_egg]

Did you want me to do this just so you could be an absolute bastard about it?

[see him asking for help again]

[serpentinthegarden]

Oh come on... If its a bad date just, just fake food poisoning and get out of there. Never call her again. They aren't all going to be winners.

[scotch_egg]

I can't fake food poisoning. I can't eat. I can't even speak. I mean, look at her. [he points the camera in her direction. She's gorgeous and obviously bored]

Maybe I'll just go. Just pay and leave. She won't miss me.

[serpentinthegarden]

....

Yeah, I'm not seeing the problem here? She's hot, she's patient or she would have left on her own by now, and did I mention hot??

[scotch_egg]

Right.
[he takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders]

I'm doing this.

[there is blackness and then after about half an hour]



I told her I was gay and she saw your photo and said you were hot and now she wants to meet you.

I think I'll give her our address and then throw myself in front a subway.

[serpentinthegarden]

WTF! Why would you do that?? I don't want to date her! I have an understanding with Fell!

[ 'Understanding' being what Aziraphale called it. ]

Are you gay? Was that the problem? You can date guys... no one worries about that anymore...

[scotch_egg]

Right now I identify as morgue resident #357. Just think of her as a new cousin. Fell isn't going to mind a threeway.

[he would but that isn't the point]
Christ she's asking if I'm texting you. She wants to talk to you. What do Is ay?

[serpentinthegarden]

Don't... ever use threeway and cousin in that way again...

Tell her no! She doesn't want to meet me, at all, I'd make sure she regretted it. You're a grown ass man, can't you just say you aren't into her or fake a stroke like a normal person?

[scotch_egg]

You had to take it that way, didn't you. It would be her, not

[ugh forget it]

She knows I'm not interested I'm gay. Anyway I told her you were celebate and she said something fond but crass and now I'm going to meet her brother.

Fuck.

[serpentinthegarden]

So not celibate...

[ But whatever, if the lie kept this lady from showing up at his place. ]

What's the brother like, he hot too? Maybe he will be easier to chatup.

[scotch_egg]

More than I needed to know.

You and Fell really--

[no... no he really didn't want to know]



Forget I asked.

I don't know. I'm not going to chat up the brother. I don't care if he's hot. No one is hot. There's a bus. Promise you won't save me if I get run over.

[serpentinthegarden]

Better than a sugar plum.

[ He typed with a happy little smirk which translated about as well as the inside joke. Fell would get it. ]

You're not going to get run over. Text me where you are. I'll get you out of this mess some how.

[scotch_egg]

[I don't even want to think about that metaphor means.]

[It was too bad he's already thinking it.]

We're heading toward Manhatten. I don't know where. I'm afraid to ask.

[serpentinthegarden]

Big place Manhattan. Can you see a street sign, store name, something? Bloody ask her before you end up in a seedy dive some where without any cell coverage.

[scotch_egg]

She says I'll know when I get there? Something about a lot of bears? Do you know this slang?!

[serpentinthegarden]

Oh, you're in deep trouble.

You're either heading to Bear-a-Bear where you will be forced to... kiss a plastic heart and stuff it into your overpriced bear... Or...

[ Swift intake of breath. ]

She's dragging you out to the Bear Bar. That's... bit of a wild place... especially for some one who has just come out of the closet...

[scotch_egg]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[a beat later]

i told her i'd die. she told me to thank her later. can't Americans get a hint or do i have to claw my way out into traffic myself?!

[serpentinthegarden]

Just go inside, don't make eye contact with anyone, and if a big drag Queen with a blonde wig comes up and asks you to dance... Don't. I'll be there quick as I can.

[scotch_egg]

Aye. Okay. I'll be here. Don't leave me.

[serpentinthegarden]

Be round in a bit.

[ Which as he was traveling from the Bronx took a wee bit longer than a bit. Traffic, even with a speeding motorcycle breaking the traffic laws, could slow one up. He sauntered into the club like one of those cowboys in the old westerns. Stepped through the main door and stood there like a gunslinger to take in the scene... hunt down Mad Dog Roberts for the reward marked on his poster... or in this case rescue his kidnapped cousin from a date gone sideways. ]

[scotch_egg]

[Alec is standing in the corner, arms folded, nostrils flaring. Three burly men are arranged around him in various trappings of leather. Though he seems more pissed off than anything, there is also a sense that he would flee if given half the chance.

Save him from any awkward explanations of his sexuality]

[serpentinthegarden]

[ To some people being surrounded by three big leather clad men would be a party! Poor Alec looked ready to bolt for the nearest rabbit hole.

Observing the scene from the doorway the men looked a touch large for even two Crowley's to take on by themselves and Anthony didn't fancy having to dance with any of them so... ]

Alright people!

[ He sauntered into the room, making as much noise as possible to be overheard over the dance music and chatter. ]

In about five minutes the sprinkles are going to go off and this whole place is going to be filled with firemen!

[ Some one in the crowd cheered. Anthony looked their direction, smirked, and even took a little bow. ]

Your welcome. But for anyone wearing big fancy dresses or outfits made of leather you have to know what the water from the sprinklers will do to them... It'll ruin your skirts and wet leather, oooh, shrinks something awful, doesn't it? Really uncomfortable. I suggest you all run outside now before that happens!

[scotch_egg]

[it was probably the most ridiculous thing Alec had ever heard and yet it cleared out the room well enough. Not in a mad stampede like he'd supposed but a casual laughing stroll as if people didn't believe it but wanted to see what might come of it. One of the burly men remained by Alec and with a leer reached for him.

Alec fixed him with a look]

If you touch me I will break your bloody arm.

[this apparently was enough for the man to get the memo and he hurried out as well. Alec flops against the wall, running a hand over his face and sighing]

That moment you regret...everything.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ It might have been crazy but it worked. The bar emptied as he had wanted it too and his hopeless cousin was freed. ]

Could look at it as an adventure? You never would have seen the inside of a place like this without taking a few risks.

[ He didn't approach but his head tilted to one side as if this allowed him to see what Alec was going through from a better angle. ]

You alright?