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[traceofeffort]

[Lisa looks a little frustrated today... but she's holding her bright red bass today rather than her acoustic guitar, which is a fairly substantial change. As she talks she's idly plucking the strings, but that sure sounds kinda like LOUDER at some percentage of its normal speed...]

Man, I just feel so restless here lately. Not that I don't enjoy talking to everyone! I do, a lot! But... I didn't think I'd feel so unfulfilled on my summer break. I kinda wanna play a show, actually. Not just at a bar or something, wherever I can sneak in, but... a real show. Find an open spot at a music house or something and play a real live show, like the other me did. Sure, there's only the one of me, and I don't know how many fans I'd pull in, but- [She takes a breath, and lets it out slowly.] I want more than being the entertainment when someone wants to go do something else, y'know? I want to be the show. The main event, the attraction, the headline act! I'm a real musician and I wanna play like it!

[She flushes moderately; some on the network may recognize that she's been building up to this for a bit, and it's been on advice from people here.]

A-anyway! That's... yeah. Maybe for my birthday or something? Two weeks might be a little tight to arrange a space, practice a set, and do tickets or whatever, but if it doesn't work out, I'll find a way. One way or another I'm gonna play a set for my birthday, though. Count on it!

Comments

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[serpentinthegarden]

If you are tired of playing bars what sort of venue did you have in mind? Some one just starting out can't exactly expect to play Carnegie Hall.

[traceofeffort]

Oh, no way, I'm not ready for something like that. I'm still not sure how the other Roselia landed a thousand-seat music house - and then sold the place out, and had a merch table. Something smaller, though... Not quite hole-in-the-wall, but somewhere a little more respectable than what I've been doing, y'know?

[serpentinthegarden]

So a theater? Off-off-off Broadway maybe? Have you spoken to Wei or Jack? They might know some people...

[traceofeffort]

I... haven't in a while, not to either of them. [She grimaces.] In fact, when I first met him after I ended up hip-deep in all this to begin with, I told Jack I wanted to take it a bit slower when he offered to help me then. Shows what I know, I guess. Lisa, you dummy... bleh.

[serpentinthegarden]

No harm in renewing their acquaintances... Telling Jack you are ready to give it a go. I doubt they would mind.

[traceofeffort]

Probably not, and I need to, I just hate feeling any more like I screwed up. I do enough of that to last me a while, usually. Wei's going to be a little weird too since I don't know if I can get into his place, I'm not old enough.

[serpentinthegarden]

Everybody screws up, it's human nature to screw up... Don't let that stop you.

[ And have a brilliant demon idea! ]

You could wear a disguise, get a fake ID, heels disguise a lot but attitude does even more. Just walk in there like you own the place and avoid the bar. They actually look really closely at IDs at the bar.

[traceofeffort]

But I'm really good at screwing up! And apparently not smart enough to screw up at screwing up.

[She snorts at his advice, although it does cheer her up some.] That's a little more charisma than I have to spare at the moment, I think, but I'll take it under consideration. And it feels weird to need a fake ID now after I've already gotten through most of the years I'd want to use it.

[serpentinthegarden]

People destined for a life on the stage need charisma. Also stunning dance moves and a fake ID never hurts...

[traceofeffort]

I'm not sure I can pull off stunning dance moves while I'm hooked up to a mixing board, but the rest of that, I guess I can see. And I can do charisma on stage, at least.

[serpentinthegarden]

Mmm... it might be difficult to dance with all the cords but whatever, charisma on stage is where it counts anyway.

[traceofeffort]

Mm! If you can't sing or play in front of a crowd, your stage shows are kinda dead in the water. I... like to think I've proved I can manage that much, though.

Making those connections that are already here is probably the best place to start, though. I meant to say it earlier, but thanks.

[serpentinthegarden]

Don't mention it.

[ The thanks was not needed. ]

[ashenscipher]

Oh. When is your brithday?

[traceofeffort]

On the 25th! So yeah, two weeks to learn a song, find a place, fill a place, and rock a house. No pressure.

[ashenscipher]

I would like come. Let me know the time and place.

[traceofeffort]

Mm, I will! I need to figure all that stuff out first, but once I do, definitely. I'll have a ticket with your name on it~♪

[ashenscipher]

You are wonderful.

Do you need help with anything?

[traceofeffort]

I'm... not sure yet. I think my biggest problem is that I need to find a venue still. The idea for this kind of snuck up on me and I'm not sure I can pull it off in time.

[ashenscipher]

I can help wit that.

[traceofeffort]

Really? Hmm... Part of me wants to say I should do it myself or it loses something, but I think I need to admit I need help.

[ashenscipher]

Why would it lose something? Musicians often have agents, event planners, and crew to help them set up their stage.

[traceofeffort]

You're not wrong... I'm probably just being weird again. Or maybe it's something from the other me. Gotta do everything ourselves. Myself, now. That, and I think my brain still says I'm too small-time for that.

Basically I'm being an idiot again. Shouldn't surprise anyone.

[ashenscipher]

Then let me help you and enjoy my services.

[traceofeffort]

I'll trust you, then. Thanks, Bitterblue. I owe you one.

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[howkickassiam]

You want a singer to accompany you?

[ York may have had some ambitions of being a singer... ]

[traceofeffort]

[Internally, knowing the song she wants to play at that show, her mind automatically answers hell no and her mouth starts to open before she catches herself. York isn't Yukina. Then again, it reasons, neither are you-

She shakes violently for a second, tone halting and a little clipped when she manages to get words out.]

Not- this time. Not for what I want to play. That- that one is special, to both of me. S-sorry.

[howkickassiam]

[ She seems nervous about letting him down. York makes his expression conciliatory, friendly. ]

Hey, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

[traceofeffort]

It's- it's not that. Something else. Something... not that song. Never that song. I... that's hers. It's not really mine either. But I don't... know how else to share it? [She's somewhere between hyped up on adrenaline, drowning in (more mild than before!) self-loathing, and confused from trying to sort through her memories beating her over the head with a bat. If it sounds disjointed to York, don't worry, it barely makes sense to her. Her tone drops to a loud whisper, apparently unintentionally.]

...her kind person, her sunkissed rhodonite. I can't leave that to anyone else.

[howkickassiam]

Ah.

[ He says this as if he understands; he does not. ]

Well, I mean. If it's hers. You don't want to go giving it away.

[traceofeffort]

[She barely understands, not without having given herself a minute. That's happening now, as she seems to wake up and gasp in a breath, understanding flashing through her eyes and embarrassment sweeping through her features a moment later.]

S-sorry! I don't know why I freaked out. But... no. We - past we - joked Yukina, our vocalist, wrote this for the other me and waited for me to understand it's somewhere between a very open thank you and a confession. I don't... feel comfortable asking someone else to help me with that in the show. Um, thank you for offering, though? Another show, I'd be happy to have you.

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[bearshermark]

[Oh Goddess, her birthday is in two weeks]

If there's anything I can do to help you get that going, I'm here for it. Call places, hand out tickets- whatever you need.

[He grins]

But I still want that front row seat you promised me!

[traceofeffort]

If whatever place I find even has seats, you're there. If not, hey, I guess I can just drop one on the stage.

Gotta find a place first, though, or this whole thing's kind of a pipe dream. I'm certain they're out there, I just need to pick one and pray there's an open slot.

[bearshermark]

That's okay, I'll just make sure I'm standing at the front of the crowd for you.

Also uh, I guess I shouldn't ask, but I'm not really good at subterfuge. Is there anything you'd really like for your birthday? I can probably figure something out, but if there's anything particular you'd want, let me know.

[traceofeffort]

Gotcha. Front-row seats are... delayed, to a show that has chairs.

So this is probably too corny even for me, but- not really? I'm alive, I'm sane, I'm not hurt, and I'm playing music for my friends. That's enough for me.

[bearshermark]

A really nice dinner it is.

What's your favorite kind of food?

[traceofeffort]

[Blink, blink.]

Elliott, I appreciate it, but really, you don't have to. But, um. Surprise me. You asked me that and I'm getting two answers back, because she's answering too, and I don't wanna sort through it now.

[bearshermark]

Okay. [He tries not to sound too disappointed]

Sorry, I'm not trying to trouble you, I just want to do something nice for you.

[traceofeffort]

I get you, and I appreciate it, I do! I'm just... I dunno, I'm kinda simple with stuff like this? [A pause, and a brief grimace, before she shakes her head and smiles again, a little crookedly.] That, and I don't know what the hell chiku-whatever is, so I'm gonna push her answer aside for now anyway.

I'm kind of a comfort food girl, if that's more helpful? I've been in New York for two years now, and it's great, but Mama's cooking being hours away is a big minus, y'know? There's a reason I take sweet tea with me to the support group, and it's not just because the Bureau don't know how a wooden spoon works.

[not_as_i_do]

That's the spirit, Lisa.

[he grins, surprisingly proud of her. was it one of those memories he had? of ... someone named Ainsley that he hadn't seen yet? he wasn't sure. but he knows he truly is happy for her]

Any particular birthday wishes? Let me at least send you a card...

[traceofeffort]

This is me trying to fix my whole... self-image thing. I'm not sure it's working, but that might just mean I'm trying hard enough.

I don't really... y'know, I wasn't thinking that hard about it? I'm just glad I muddled through six months of all this. [She grins back at him.] I'd take a card, though. E-mail and social media are all well and good, but there's something real about a card or a letter. Even if that kinda stuff is late, it lets you know someone thought you were important enough to give you a thing every time you look at it. Or maybe I'm just being sentimental again, I dunno.

[not_as_i_do]

I think I can manage a card, yes. [he flashes her a warm smile] And maybe a surprise or two.

Six months, eh? I wasn't aware it had been so long for you. Though, I guess if you've managed to remember everything you've told me, it does make sense.

[traceofeffort]

A surprise, eh? How dangerous.

Mm, I was in the same class, if you will, as Elliott, Mr. Fell, and a couple of the others. The other me's shared a lot of herself since then. Not that I mind it! Clearly it's helping me too, yeah?

[not_as_i_do]

I like to think life needs a little risk once in a while.

I'm glad she's helping you. Gives me a little hope that eventually the other me might settle down and do the same.

[traceofeffort]

I can handle a little low-impact risk, I think. I'll look forward to it!

[Her grin turns warmer.] I know not everyone agrees with me, but I think our other selves are there to prop us up. And I agree - hopefully yours starts sending more sensible stuff instead of the nasty, confusing bits.

[not_as_i_do]

It's a nice way to think of it. And for what it's worth, Lisa, it helps. It truly does. So ... thank you for sharing it with me.

[traceofeffort]

Hey, anytime. If my refusing to stop hoping can help someone, I'll be all over it.