video;

[traceofeffort]

Ow, my head hurts trying to keep the damn timeline straight... I might have to figure out how to work a program or something, I'm gonna go nuts keeping things in order. Hi, everyone, I got a bunch more memories and the other Roselia cannot function without help. [Lisa's dressed casually and, for once, apparently feeling the heat; just a plain white T-shirt visible from here as she sits at her desk, hair in a ponytail, and the low drone of at least one fan somewhere. She pauses a moment to gather her thoughts and will her headache away; after a second, she starts again.]

Okay, so. I've got a few more songs, which is good! My other self was stuck wrangling a bunch of girls that are alternately divas and well-intentioned idiots, which is bad. They care a lot about each other, which is good! Occasionally they care so much they drive wedges between themselves and damn near broke up, which is bad. We were good enough - we had enough fans - that we sold merch at our shows! That's super cool! We also pushed ourselves hard enough that our juniors found us literally passed out in our dressing room before a show. That's pretty terrible. I could keep going, but we were morons, and also we were best friends and sisters-in-arms. And I... have complicated feelings, about it. I don't have that. Forget bandmates, I don't have anyone I'm that close to, not like that. [She can already hear a couple people objecting, but they're gonna have to wait.] Like... am I ever gonna be like that? Big enough to fill a real, honest-to-God live house that I booked and paid for and sold tickets to? I know I'm getting better, but that feels like a lot. I feel like they had everything figured out - well, Yukina did, the rest of us were just kinda in her wake for a while - and here I am just. Bumbling along. I know what I want to do, just... it's daunting, seeing what the next step on that road could look like. I'll figure things out, I know I will. I refuse to do anything less, y'know? I just need some time to get my head screwed on straight. Again.

Oh, and they decided I'd make a good healer, in the MMO we played for a bit. Also one of them called me mom when she didn't think I could hear her? Their day-to-day lives are hilarious. Not that I can talk, I'm pretty sure my life is a comedy from the outside. [Snorting, she shakes her head, before clicking off the camera.]

Comments

[consortofalderaan]

What are your memories about?

[traceofeffort]

Well... a lot of nothing, honestly? All just nice, calm stuff. School. Hanging out. Band practice. Live shows- well, concerts, whatever we're calling them. Sure, I screw up sometimes, I get in arguments, but none of it's. Terrible? Being in Roselia's not the same as being a solo act here, that's for damn sure.

[consortofalderaan]

What would you say the differences are?

[traceofeffort]

It's... Roselia gave me people to depend on when I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Inspiration. People to compete with, and soar to new heights alongside. Someone that needed me, that told me in so many words she wanted me to stay by her side. No matter what, they were there for me, even if they didn't know how to be there for me.

Here, it's just me and whatever advice and support I can drum up from the others. I live and die by my own guitar. Sayo or Ako or Rinko can't cover for me if I forget a measure. And I don't have their natural, raw talent to hide behind. Yukina and Sayo sold Roselia, even if they swore up and down it had to be all five of us. On this side, I'm just Lisa. I work hard, I do my best, and at the end of the day, that's all I can do. Nobody's here to prop me up and drag me back to practice when I'm feeling sorry for myself, but myself.

...well, that's not entirely true anymore. I can think of a couple people that would - politely - needle me until I picked my guitar back up.

[consortofalderaan]

Perhaps you need to expand your support network. It sounds like in your memories, you have more than a couple people supporting you. Perhaps you need more of that here?

[traceofeffort]

I- [Perhaps surprisingly, the emotion on Lisa's face is raw hurt.] I know. I need people to prop me up, because I keep falling down. But no matter who I find here... it's just not the same. It can't be the same. And I know that, but I... it's hard to work through. To feel those things in my heart and know I can't have them.

Maybe I'm just worse at making friends than her.